depressively arrogant

THe end of block leave...start of phase 2...

2007-03-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

THe end of block leave...start of phase 2...

Cant believe time flies so fast..haha...this week has been unbelievably boring to say the least, i have been sleeping my life away..still i think that this rest will do me well..tml i shall be getting my posting..cant say i'm not nervous..hope i get some super slack job, but knowing how things work that will be close to impossible..oh well..just hope i get a reasonable one..there can be miracles when you believe..haha...

Oh well, i just hope to continue where god takes me..

un dieu benissent toujours..
may god bless you always..

Results....and POP...cant wait...

2007-03-04T02:24:00.000+08:00

Results....and POP...cant wait...

This weekend has been quite a good one for me...first we got to book out on thurs night which ensured that i was able to spend the night readying myself for the potential heartbreak that would follow my horrid results..second, thanks to the grace of god i managed to scrap decent results, of course i would have loved me to get a distinction for my GP however, life's not perfect..haha..oh well..what's new..

haha....POP is coming up soon, nxt week is the last full week in BMT and we shall all go our seperate ways..haha...good and bad thing. in the nutshell, i'll miss the place but not the ppl...

anyways, to those going in on march the 16th..haha...good luck...i'll try not to laugh too hard when i'm on my holiday...hahah..=)

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

BMT almost over...haha....all that's left is my graduation march...and yah...POP...

2007-02-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

BMT almost over...haha....all that's left is my graduation march...and yah...POP...

my bunk mate yaaseen said that i am inapt with the skills of blogging...so i'm like totally...hmm...cant be bothered lah..honestly a blog should be a reflection of my feelings, mood, personality etc and not a template of self pity...(unless that is who i am) regardless i can say that i'm rather glad that BMt is drawing to a close be cause quite honestly i cant stand it much longer..the psychological pressure is too immense and thus we see snippits of the worst of human kind...unfortunate but true. Oh well... 16 click was hell but hey didnt say that it was going to be easy...anyway..nothing more interesting from me...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Wanted to crash orientation...but got sick...

2007-01-05T20:42:00.000+08:00

Wanted to crash orientation...but got sick...

yo yo ppl of the world...haha...i am sick now which sucks...army life is not forgiving to those who are sick..but hey as an envoy of your armed forces i must be nice and up hold the 7 core values of the SAF...loyalty to country...etc..=)

have to say the last part of 2006 was quite interesting...for more then 1 reason..i guess the whole karma thing actuall works cause when a door shuts on you..another opens..likewise i realise that once you have lost one gd friend..another will appear when you least expect it...ahah..oh well..circle of life if you may..whatever the case..life is too impt to be wasted on those who mean nothing...oh well..lets just say i realise that revenge is for god to take and that i was nvr really interested in a friendship..instead i wanted to get even..haha..but this is the last i will say on it...finito..

haha..anyway...bored is the word..life without purpose is soooooooo sucky...of course a certain person who doesnt like to study has been forcign me to study to teach him...hahah..but oh well..keeps my brain up...

haha...enjoy yourself....

un dieu benissent toujours..
may god bless you always

The new story begins...

2007-01-02T11:31:00.000+08:00

The new story begins...

Every year is the beginning of a new story i guesss but none more so then this year..the things that have been transpiring in the past 2 mths or so has really opened my eyes..to the truth abt many things in life..lets just say i can nvr see ppl in the same way again..

But that is a mere subplot in the drama that is unfolding in life..hmm..recently the twist has made the story interesting..funny thing is that now that i have decided to bury the hatchet, the story is spreading much faster then i expect..almost everyone in choir knows now..how interesting...

i guess only time will tell us how this story will unfold... till then i'll wait with bated breath...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

New year...new friends...new dreams...

2007-01-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

New year...new friends...new dreams...

haha...HAPPY NEW YR..cant believe 07 has dawned upon us...so quick..i guess without the last minute homework it feels different and all..hahah..the urgency is not there...ARmy syndrome i guess..haha...oh well...

06 was a crazy yr...such sweet joy of victory yet the setting of my greatest defeat..oh well..

Seeing as i am not anywhere close to good at keeping my resolutions so i shall make them simple...one...NOT get into OCS...hahah..(100%can achieve it) 2. to make new friends..i guess i had that last yr and boy did it land me in deep trouble this yr..oh well..we learn from out mistakes..haha...revise..make NORMAL friends this yr..*wink* you know what i mean..

lastly...continue to learn and grow in the words of god..haha...

btw...i am going to find out who that shameless..stupid person who holds hands in public is..hahah... =)

may all of you have a blessed new yr....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

Army daze...purple light...hahah...

2006-12-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

Army daze...purple light...hahah...

my first extended book out..hahah..will be in on tues night but i am going to have a helll lot of fun now..oh well...the year draws to a close but i dont really feel the stress of yester year of rushing my last minute homework..haha..oh well..that's a perk i guess...perculiar feeling it is though..

love to tell you abt army..but it is top secret..hahahahahahahahaa...sergeants have been great though..a crazy bunch of funny ppl...super high and all...shhh...i have revealed too much...

cant keep the army songs out..hahah..

purple light, in the valley
that is where i wanna be..
with my three best companions
with my rifle and my buddy and me.....

hahah...hope you guys enjoy the last days of 2006..its been quite a year...god bless you all and take care..

it seems like a dream...so surreal and fuzzy,...and sharp snippets pop up occasionally...gone with the old, in with the new...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Oh the sweet irony....to be tortured by the thing you so hoped to avoid...

2006-12-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

Oh the sweet irony....to be tortured by the thing you so hoped to avoid...

my patience wears thin as the hours wear by...
no more..chance...gone with the cruel hands of time...
2 days is all you have...
death will be all the sweeter then your fate..
forced a brother's hand you have...
killed by the thing you sought to avoid..
oh sweet irony...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

CHristmas is coming and shaun is getting broke..

2006-11-29T08:11:00.000+08:00

CHristmas is coming and shaun is getting broke..

yo yo..haha...i have been having the time of my life..ytd we went to gelare..ahah...super nice waffles..haha...hope you guys had fun..cause i sure did..haha..and fancy seeing zkai there..omg..cant believe it..haha..he looks different...maybe it is the wonderful taiwan trip he took..haha..oh well...ARGH!!!!

anyway...my chirstmas list as ever is expanding exponantially...ARGH!!!!!!
but hey is the true spirit of christmas i shall open my wallet and dig deep..mr crumpler boy...and mr converse...huh..the food better be nice lor..

ARGH!!!!!! i am so going to die over the next few days too many things to do and so little time...and so broke i'll be..hmm...someone said something that got me thinking...do i treat ppl who are the nicest to me the worst...?

being santa sucks....ARGH!!!!!

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

COUSINS...HAVOC...what a day....

2006-11-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

COUSINS...HAVOC...what a day....

MY COUSINS ARE OVER....ARGHHHH!!!!!! My brother's joy is my pain and misery, aside from totally hogging the computer , they are totallly irritating with their juvenile questions and all, a recipe for disaster...to think they will be staying for a few more days...i shall totally kick them out soon...5 tikes of terror..kill me..they totally hijacked my computer playing time..like wth..and they wonder why i keep going out...come on...

worst still they are wrecking my room...throwing stuff everywhere...

had a real fun evening with aloy and bel...she totally jinxed his run, after she came i totally owned all the games..muhahahaha..talk abt bad luck...

haha...kk busy day tml, and then on sun, its MAN UTD vs CHELSEA...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

NOTE: CHoir room is poisonous!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

NOTE: CHoir room is poisonous!!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHOIR ROOM!!!!! i mean honestlly, everytime i go in there i aggrevate my illness...my scratchy throat and all originate from there..i guess it is because we havent aired it in a million years.!!!! whose fault is this..?????? hahaha....oh well...

my cousins are over and all which is super cool or, not..haha...ended up going for dinner with dj, bel and yl and supper with aloy..thanks mate..haha..delifrance was not bad...=))))))

i guess i just love food..hahha...but the company was gd as well, just that you totally suck at playing that game..hahaha...oh well now my nose is totally stuffed and as aloy and kwei pointed out am totally looking like rudolph the red nose raindeer...hahahha....may not be a bad thing...we know there's dasher and dancer and prancer, and who the heck cares abt the rest except...ME...rudolph...haha..i guess it is the flu talking..hahah...

enjoy the rest of your hols...remember smile always....=>>

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

Fifa 07eludes me!!!!!!!!!...hahah...oh well...

2006-11-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

Fifa 07eludes me!!!!!!!!!...hahah...oh well...

i cant believe it...for the 5 day running Fifa 07 eludes me...i travelled so far to AMK central and then found out that popular was out of stock!!!!! WTH....come on...so silly me had to resort to playing roller coaster tycoon..spent a gazillion years buiding up the senery and then realised i had made a fatal flaw and no one could get to my park...tell me abt it..oh well..not the first time this has happened..haha..go figure..but the whole park looks quite beautiful...just no one to go admire it...hahah...

Anyway i must find out who is that doofus who is spreading the flu ard...i woke up today with an extremely scratchy throat and all, plus, i had a horrible running nose..apparently ht has got it too...hmm...suspects i find..i shall grind the person to dust..and then drink the dust to get better..muhahahaahahahahahahahaha....evil..but too bad...

hmm shall be playing soccer(you better believe it) i hope i get well soon..haha..come on...i've been looking forward to it all week...ahha...3 more weeks of enjoyment..anyway..will be going to hong kong for the hols from 8 to the 13, ahah..cant wait...will be staying at the Langham Hotel, apparently one of the best in the city..ahhah...at 400 a room per night it better be..haha..oh i have the life...that should make up for me not going to south africa...muhahahaha..feel free to sue me...i'll be in HK..

oh well..so much so for that...kk...will get back to you all...soon...have fun playing....

no one wins in a war, it is only who loses more...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Deep in meditation of god's word.....put it perspective it does...

2006-11-21T22:03:00.000+08:00

Deep in meditation of god's word.....put it perspective it does...

since sunday i have been contemplating the truth abt god, have to say that been enlightened..haha..not very often i have done so..i guess the lord as opened my eyes to see the truth for what it really is..not saying it is easy but hey, it is the will of god..

trust that god will mend the broken fences, for it is only thru him can the impossible become possible...

continue i will, great truths, discover it i will...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

2006-11-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

God is good, it was nvr meant to be this way.

Had to go church with my cousins on sunday..haha..cause someone..pangsei..but oh well..ahha..kidding lah..its ok...but anyway..the thing is that i have to say taht it was nothing short of enlightening for me. The truth remains that the issue is yet resolve but i believe that it is god's way of pressing the abort button, things have changed for me..i have lost sight of what was truly the purpose in the beginning...it is therefore god's plan to guide me back to it..trust in him i shall

have been spending too much money recently..oh well...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you alwayas...

2006-11-20T11:04:00.000+08:00

the dark is generous, an it is patient, and it always wins -- but ithe the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.

love is more then a candle.
love can ignite the stars

un dieu benissent toujours..

REvenge of the sith....

2006-11-19T09:44:00.000+08:00

REvenge of the sith....

The dark is generous and it is patient.
It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt.

The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.

the rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dardk is the soil in which they grwo, andit is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light.

The dak's patience is iinfinte.

Eventually, even the stars burn out.

The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins.

It always wins because it si everywhere.

It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, adn in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. Walk in the midday sund and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.

the brightest light casts the darkest shadow...

i have never broken my promise to you, and i am not going to start now...

A freakshow of a life....omg...end it i shall...but not without a bang.... =0

2006-11-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

A freakshow of a life....omg...end it i shall...but not without a bang....= 0

i have been thinking this few days...honestly my life has been an absolute freakshow since i came back from xiamen..i have had the pleasure of making the aquantance of freaks of the highest order..questionable judgement you may say...beats me..

To be totally honest with you, these are ppl who i would have loathe in secondary school..honest..even in JC1 i wasnt the most tolerant of such sorts of ppl..how i have become remotely close to them baffles me...i realise that i have grown soft..more accepting..now..i know you must say that that is a gd thing..yes in most cases yes it is..but not when it makes you vunerable to freakshows who exploit your kindness as weakness...

the thing is after mixing with NORMAL ppl i realise how much i have missed out 0n..the past few days i have laughed more then i have in a long while..and come on i used to blow off such outings in the past in the name of assisting these ingrates..oh well..hah...had lots of fun playing badminton with aloy on thurs and ytd had a great day with my cousins and all..plus i got to meet an old friend for dinner..omg how things have changed since the last time we meet...haha,...but it was cool and lots of fun..laughed so much..today went out with me classmates chris, liang hock and xavier..haha..super stupid at the pool joint..period..haha..the movie was great too..cant believe that we had so much fun..honestly i had my reservations abt the dancing movie but it turned out alright so ya...plus the visit to that "ahem" shop was lets say..enlightening..haha..oh well...salacious, prurient..you name it.. *wink*

Anyway, i digress, the thing is some of the things i have been thru cannot be mentioned in mixed company..as such i shall not reveal them..but my final stand is this, i want to escape this life of rubbish and weirdness, i have delved into territories not even fathomable by the average human being..too late it is to turn back the past, but it is not too late to change the future...as it is too much energy has been expounded in saving a friendship that was merely a rotting corpse..enough is enough...chances shall be no more...

Leave this i shall, but not before i finish it off with a loud bang..i was nvr a patient person, neither have i been a very forgiving person...trust me, the last resort i shall adopt is for nxt week..after which i shall execute my master plan.. forget me you will not..rmb, i will be out of their lives soon and the pple will just rmb me as a figment of their past...but you will face them in the future...you think you have lost faith?...what abt me? You dont need the force to predict this...but much danger i see in your future..trust me...i always keep my promises....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

Revenge of the sith....haha....haiz...honeymoon is so over....

2006-11-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

Revenge of the sith....haha....haiz...honeymoon is so over....

yo yo..haha..but anyway...today was really interesting..went to play badminton with aloy in the mornin..we so trashed those ppl..haha..smashed them into oblivion oh well..but thanks again for the revenge of the sith book..it was really nice and all. 7/8 thru, shall finish it after i finish this entry.

Life is full of ironies isnt it? Sometimes things you do to people will come back and haunt you..regardless...oh well...karma its called...i believe...oh well...sometimes the more you know the more you realise you dont know..go figure..haah..but it is true...an explaination still not forthcoming..hmm..i wonder..soon...

oh well me cousins are still over at my house!!!!!!!!!! they have been hogging the computer for the whole day, and i mean the whole day, staring at it since they woke up...like wth...haiz..but oh well, not like i can get along with their maple story playing ways..haha..so go figure...that's life...hope they leave soon then i can sit myself down and enjoy a good game of FIFA 07, still need time to go buy...haha...

oh well, good luck to those still having papers...do hope you all are working hard..haha...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

ITS OVER!!!!!!! OH my.....cant believe it...haha..now its me and my destiny...haha...

2006-11-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

ITS OVER!!!!!!! OH my.....cant believe it...haha..now its me and my destiny...haha...

OMG cant believe it...it is really over...my JC life...haha....WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!! oh my....i mean like i am still in shock ..haha..but that is to be expected....the pressure and all and now suddenly nothing..haha..but haiz..i am catching a cold..haha..a small price to pay...

now is the time to catch up on all the movies taht i have missed..oh well..that's super cool..haha..but the only thing is that there arent any nice movies now..hahah..ARGH!!!!! oh my today suddenly like there is no purpose..oh well...i am not complaining..haha..hmm..no worries..nxt few days will be slacking and tv hahah...oh my the possiblities are endless...i have a life k...just saying..

oh well...no is time to catch up with my old friends..only one prob...they are all still having exams ...haha..oh well...too bad...for them..bhaha..oh well...haha...hmm..thinking abt it..i dont think i will be going to malacca...i mean it defeats the purpose and not like i will be of any use there...or have anyfun..malacca is as boring as chalk..haha..but anyway...my travel plans keep changing..haha..now instead of dubai...i shall be off to the magical land of South Africa...luxurious holiday here i come...hahah...

k..shall go catch up on slacking..haha...jiayou to all those who are still having papers...hahahah......as if..hahahahah...jking...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

OMG PAPER sucks.....haiz...but then hmm...dont know lah...2 days left....to freedom

2006-11-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

OMG PAPER sucks.....haiz...but then hmm...dont know lah...2 days left....to freedom..

haiz...today was a real interesting day..i mean totally..the paper was super funny..haha..not in a good way...why are you laughing..huh..tell me...what is wrong with you...haha..kidding..=)

oh well i guess was yawning thru out..so no promises..haha..i mean honest..but its two days to my destiny...my destiny to be a super slacker...hahah...i want FIFA 2007, shall be getting it once the guy says you can go..i shall rush down to popular..to get it...hahahahahahaahahahahahaha..sorry the stress talking..haha..after that shall do and play ROLER COASTER TYCOON>...and then shall go on a fishing trip......

hmm..but i forsee in my future a huge hold in my pocket...because of a certain lake tahoe jacket....hmm...i wonder..oh well..hahah...

i'll worry abt that(actually not worry lah) but think abt it on sun..hahah..for now time to focus on econs...and then my destiny...take care guys..

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But sure die one....fingers crossed

2006-11-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But sure die one....fingers crossed

haha...cant believe it, in 3 days my JC life would be officially over..WHOOOOO!!!!!! that's hard to believe but oh well the next 3 days could make or break my future..actaully not but hey its good to keep on your toes..the thing is wow...it is hard to believe it.

today was a real tiring day...had tuition in the morning..then had a little fun b4 lunch..totally didnt eat and i found out some super fuuny rumour abt...zkai and xian hui hahahahaa...oh my....odd couple much..hhaha..cause zkai is like lah di dah, silly androgenous (oops) rich brat(oops..no offence) and xian hui is like totally grounded and all..oh well...but i guess as long as the heart is right...love will find a way...;)

oh well..josh groban's new cd is so cool...honestly..he is experiementing with sounds and all..buit hey i like what i hear..can totally sing 2 songs by heart now...solo por ti and dont give up..oh well..now to master all of them..haha...

kk...shall end here wish me luck for nxt week....fingers crossed....

p.s. thanks to all those ppl who helped...they do surprise you..haha...

un dieu benissent toujours.
may god bless you always

3 post in a day...hmm..i'm on a roll....or am i.....?

2006-11-08T20:11:00.000+08:00

3 post in a day...hmm..i'm on a roll....or am i.....?

sometimes in life things dont go your way...but i realised i have lived a full life....

experienced all the sorrow and pain, and all the triumphs and joys....

if god takes me now...i have only one regret...to nvr have been good enough a friend to warrant sympathy...not even from my best bud...

gone...
now?
forever?
i may be in heaven when i find out the ans...=(((

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

1.5 down....hmm...cant wait for it to end...or not?

2006-11-08T14:49:00.000+08:00

1.5 down....hmm...cant wait for it to end...or not?

yoyo..haha...super sian lah exams lah...i hate math..i guess in all my enthusiasm to get me math grade up i kinda forgot to pace myself..so totally zoned out with math and all...so wth...so pissed off..not helped by the fact taht i have absolutely no one at home to talk to...my brother is caught up between being silly and just plain irritating..oh well..waht's new..haiz...so lonely i am...

but anyway...it is like so stupid and all..i guess i hate exams in this way..i mean i cant go all out and play cause i have exams and all but i cant do anymore work cause i'll die so hmm..what shall i do..?i wonder...sucks lah...so bored...cant really describe the feeling and all..so kinda...HORRIBLE..

oh well...that's life...but what is life if you cant spend it in the company of your loved ones and friends...hmm..at the status quo..all of them are either mugging their butts off or just not able to chill tgt...go figure but hey...i guess that says something..oh well..haha..boohoo life sucks...

cant wait for my papers to end..actually not lah..i dont know..after that waht am i going to do..sue me for being an eternal pesismist but hey i guess that all the recent disappointments have taken their toll on my humanity..whatever that means...

hope you all are having a better time then me...haiz....

p.s. the fact that i wont push you against the wall...doesnt mean that i am one to be pushed ard...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

hmm...its funny how sometimes only a friend with need is the friend indeed....

2006-11-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

hmm...its funny how sometimes only a friend with need is the friend indeed....

yo yo..ytd was so slack lor..only managed to finish one paper of math from VJ...made super many careless mistakes and all..oh well..haha..tired mah...but anyway what ever it was i had a heavy dose of econs for breakfast today...cliche? too bad..i like it...haha..but today simon was a little cranky and nuts..i guess the whole pressure of the exams is getting to him more then to us..go figure..hmm..i think it is down to the fact that his reputation rides on it...or not? who knows oh well...but the truth is he was a real grouch and no one..not even reylee could do no nothing to soothe him..haha...maybe its the 1410 i still owe him..oh well...haha...try to pay him back ASAP...just finished 3/4 of a math paper...so ya i'm a little less slack today..sure hope you all are having better luck working hard..

anyways, this afternoon had lunch wiht me tuition buddy..bel...haha..super crazy and funny...J8 can be such a crazy place oh well..haha...crystal jade was nice though..but was super stuffed after that...but it was nice..haha....crazy loopy me again...

The main thing of importance i guess was that i realised an interesting theory abt friends..there are, i believe, two main type of friends...one with common interest and second with common understanding...the latter is getting rare these days with increasing egocentricity and all..but hey rare doesnt mean dont have...so if you have one...better treasure the person..hmm..the former is ubiquitous all ard..i mean just go to some street stall and the guy queuing up with you can be your friend,...you get my drift...or at least try..anyway..the thing is that sometimes i guess it is the innate human nature..to become close to someone just because they can offer you something that others cannot..be it comfort, assurance or anything else..money? who knows..pt is that once you have lost your purpose they will chuck you aside and their world will just continue without you...anyway your expertise has already served its purpose...

sometime i do feel that these ppl do not do it intentionally..they just get distracted by other more fun filled agendas..i mean seriously if you measure the opportuinity costs of spending time with a distressed friend while your other friends are off having the time of their lives..hmm..honestly..the choice is obvious..but that is what i guess true friendship and self sacrifice is abt...the giving up of your own time to help others..i mean honestly..any proverbial man on the street can send you a msg of condolence in the wake of a disaster but how many will go out of the way and make sure you are fine and all..hmm...bet you couldnt fill up one hand....so hey..its tough...

there are also those demagouges who promise alot but deliever very little..hmm..sounds familiar..oh boo hoo too bad for you..i mean it is easy to promise stuff but very difficult to keep it..the principle is abt responsiblity and trust..if you make a promise you make a morally binding contract that should not be broken...regardless..leaving things to chance is not called trying your best...you must manipulate the situation as best possible to obtain the desired result...

just know...my patience and capital is running low...time is not on your side....what have i done to not even deserve a chance to repent? you tell me...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

1 down...many more to go....

2006-11-02T20:12:00.000+08:00

1 down...many more to go....some pple nvr fail to surprise you...

hey...today was GP paper..haha..it was ok i guess..i mean not really sure what i'll get but hey...who does..did a topic that everyone else did on tech..so hmm...we'll see.. anyway ytd me friend, bel, gave me an interestin quote...abt how our defining moments in life are usually our saddest moments...hmm..how interesting is that..but it does bear so truth in it. I guess happy moments are those that everyone are will ing to share with you..but the sad ones are the ones you share with the closeset ppl in your life...

brings me to my nxt pt...sometimes when you have lost faith and hope in a person, they surprise you with something...out of the ordinary and just make your day...haha...sorry i am sounding really incoherently lately...been writing cryptically too...i wonder why... i guess you are influenced by the ppl close to you...oh well...guess it's just burn out form GP...

good luck to all those with chinese AO...:)))))

un dieu benissent toujours..
may god bless you always

My best performance yet....even for me...made my personal assistant disappear...

2006-10-31T19:08:00.000+08:00

My best performance yet....even for me...made my personal assistant disappear...

the one who truly cared abt me..
lost ,for hours at least, to my egocentricity
i deserved it
all of it
he gave his all,
i just dreamt of taking and demanding more
Why?
i dont know...
hate is such a strong word...
sorry is the most useless word in the english language,
promises much but delievers little

he tried to understand my pain,
he tried to feel my grief,
he tried to be the best friend he could ever be
but all i asked was more and more,
without thinking, without feeling
i feel humanity slipping
my soul breaking..
i cannot curb that which is my inate nature
try as i might
but i would do anything to get his trust back,
a bad friend?
maybe...
all i can do is hope..
retribution i guess for all those i have wronged
punishment for all those i have hurt..
god's way of saying something...
forgiveness is the best i hope for..
nothing more...nothing less...

church...an afternoon to rmb...work...

2006-10-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

church...an afternoon to rmb...work...

Went to church today...tried hard to listen but i guess was a wee bit preoccupied...haiz...but then i did listen abit k? know it is not enough k...i know it was abt the apocalyse....haha...went with JK and GW so was kinda cool..but then super distracting...and we ended up talking..(shame on us) hah...guess that's the bane of having good company...

sometimes, actually when you think too much there is a price to pay for that..i mean in terms of the sleep lost and all that...but i guess this afternoon kinda cleared it up...really...i guess what was needed was just a good sit down and a conversation...i guess ppl do read my blog...a few asked me abt my previous post...my ans...hmm...dont think i can say...no i mean i know cant say...hmm..

sometimes i have this tendency to shoot my mouth off and say something i'll totally regret later on..but then again..hey i am not perfect and am totally tryin to change...REALLY..i am ok..

my post are getting shorter cause i am running of brain juice to go around so forgive me...i think hor studying...(not much of it) has depleted me stock...oh well...life sucks boo hoo...

NICe song...butterfly kisses....so going to use it for my wedding,...where would it be...hmm..wouldnt you all like to know...oh well...dont worry i'll invite you...or not...just hope...wish you all have fun....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

......

2006-10-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

......

life's just that...
parallels drawn..
the coincidences are frightening obivious.....
not that i am not having faith in you.........
just finding it hard to trust myself.......
what's wrong..?
do tell me...
just looking for arms which i can fall into.........
a promise that i just cant keep.......
dreams haunt my sleep....
smells remind me, all the time......
most importantly..
how do you feel abt it.....
i need confirmation...
silliness is not synomynous with me.......
but there is a first for everything.......
honesty was nvr one of my strengths.......
but for this once, i mean it......
i know i am a bother.....
but, i need one to lean on more then ever..........
now.
chance to clear it up......
not there..
not your fault...
circumstances dictated..
a prayer said...
a wish..
a hope..
empty?
hopefully not..

un dieu benissent toujours...
may god bless you always

Sometimes it's all abt perspective....

2006-10-24T22:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's all abt perspective....

hi...sorry havent blogged in...hmm...a few day..ahah..but recently have been really busy..not mugging but more like super sian haha..so think i am going to fail my exams ...oh well..haha..anyway...recently god has changed my perspective of life..it is really surprising how a single event can change the complexity of a relationship, be it good or bad-truth is it either assentuates the differences or , in my case, make our similarities seem all the more obvious..haha...too much said already...haha..wish me luck for exams...

anyway...here's a beautiful poem titled simply

"ten tears"

when i cry my ten tears during the day
wishing things went a different way
i think of the one person who ever cared
and the one person who was always there
and one less teardrop fell from my face

when im thinking of those 9 tears i still had to cry
and all i did was sat there and questioned why
i thought of that day when you held my hand
and when you told me all the time that to you i was grand
one less teardrop fell from my eye

when i squatted down real low and an 8th tear fell
and all i could think about was how my life was in hell
i thought of how you would tell me to stay strong
and i thought of how much i've loved you all along
one less teardrop fell from my nose

when i lied on my bed and 7 tears poured out
and all i could do was scream and shout
i thought of how you were always by my side
helping me, holding me close, along for the ride
and one less teardrop fell from my lip

when i cried my 6 tears at night
and everything consumed me and i was consumed with fright
i looked at your picture and smiled real big
thinking of how i joked with you, calling you a pig
one less teardrop fell from my chin

when i was running and tripped my 5 tears started to fall
and you told me it was okay and you gave me your all
i looked at you and knew i was going to be okay
not by what your face said but the things you always used to say
one less teardrop fell from my ear

when i was getting yelled at and 4 tears begun to fall on the floor
and when my parents slapped me and i ran for the door
i stopped and thought how you loved me so much
and how you helped me up like a crutch
one less teardrop fell from my hair

3 tears fell as i was getting made fun of right in my face
and i felt as if i had no one to love in this place
i cowered and thought of you and i
and how we shared tears together, how we cried
one less teardrop fell from my peachy red cheek

2 tears fell as if gravity took over me
hoping, wishing and thinking i would never be happy
i just sat and thought how much i loved you so
and how much i would never want to let you go
one less teardrop fell from my flesh

1 more tear fell as i thought of my family
and all the wonderful things we could have had
i thought of how you would give me your life
just to take away my pain and my strife
no more teardrops fell from my eye...

it is the most beautiful poem i've ever read,bar none...and written my dearest friend and brother, gw... i'm not like some ppl who just place it on their blog and not acknowledge the author....haha....but get through it...brings tears to my eyes everytime...

hope you'll enjoy it...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless ya always....

Sometimes it's all abt perspective....

2006-10-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

A conclusion is near....faith is the key....

2006-10-20T12:15:00.000+08:00

A conclusion is near....faith is the key....

The lord will provide...somehow...
the grey skies are giving way to a bright tommorrow...
where we'll walk in fields of gold...

keep you in my prayers....always...hang in there...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Tired....hungry....but its all worth it....miracles do happen....

2006-10-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

Tired....hungry....but its all worth it....i hope...miracles do happen....

In his time, in his time.
he makes all things beautiful in his time..

wise words...pray that the lord will help my bro....pls....

there can be miracles when you believe...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

ponning school...again..choir's not bad...really not bad at all...

2006-10-12T12:22:00.000+08:00

ponning school...again..choir's not bad...really not bad at all...

hmm....shant start with yo yo but hey...its been kinda dreary staying home and studying...i mean the truth is although i get tons more work done..have more time to play and rest, i feel so super sian because of a lack of human interaction. I suppose it is like the Gp passage which i did ytd, going to work(or in me case school) is good because you get an opportunity to see your friends..now the only ppl i see are...hmmm...NOBODY..some surprise there huh..my case hasnt exactly been helped by a certain someone who jsut loves calling ppl up and make a enormous fuss over absolutely nothing at ALLL....like execuse me what is your bloody problem, i mean you should get a life instead of wastign your and my time making stupid phone calls that will only serve to irritate ppl...i cant belive i even thought you were once nice...just take taht stupid one mark, not like i need it, it wont make a diff...nobody likes the way you teach you boring old coot, just cant believe it...always say we are late for this and that and spend 2x the time nagging so wth, just leave me alone...feel like telling you striaght up and say that i dont need you, waster of my time...think that everything you all come up is the best huh...just go get a life or something...

The only respite from all this madness is choir i guess....haha...surpirise surprise..but then again i have no life rmb...(you can stop me anytime now and start showering me with praise..haha) No lah, i seriously think that going back and seeing all you guys singing great songs is really cool..it has been such a large part of me life that i dont want it to ever end...ever..so i guess that's why i am so extra for going back...oh well...hehe..its going to be my as much as yours so live with it...hahaah...but honestly, i have to admit that i was a tad skeptical abt the sound when i first came in, didnt really know what to expect..but boy was i surprised...i dont praise many things is life so savour it..haha..but i really think that the sound is really good..better then my batch or the one before..really good..i guess if you guys continue to improve at this rate, success will naturally folllow..of course that being said, material goals should not be our sole purpose for music..hehe...but whatever the case i wish you guys all the best, its your choir to control and more importantly have fun with...the time will fly and before you know it, you'll most prob be feeling the way i do...hehe...so treasure all the times you had with ppl and all...it will be fun will it lasts...

I guess recently i have got into debates over lives truths..kinda anyway...but i am not really the best person to debate with cause i am like have this typical debator mentality which is to verbally anilhilate the opposition, which i have done abit too well recently, arguments with me 99% of the time end up with the other person becoming totally confused with themselves or just end up in tears, neither are really good options..so hey but then i guess it is true this kinds of debates that we learn more about each other..however that makes sense...anyway one of the arguments was that i have always believed that if you want something bad enough you will go all out for it...there is not shortcut even if you have talent...i dare say my singing has improved because i have spent so much time and effort practicing, to become better you often have to go above the expected quota, only if you are willing to that can you eliminate any disadvantage you may have...that's the only way...mistakes are inevitable but then again so what, as long as you are still alive you know you have another chance to improve on it...haha...but then this argument was cut short..hehe..just as well it was cause the outcome wasnt exactly going to be pretty...hehe...

Finally, today i have decided to write in a sort of partial prose form which baffles me...however taht makes sense, should have topic sentences huh..anyhow, the thing is that consumed by my immense boredom and mundane lifestyle i have put together something..may not be much but hey, who says i have alot of time...not realy impt...but understand it you will not unless....

sepolto in profondità all'interno di cuore thy si trova un segreto profondo
spaventoso ma reale
menzogne sopra ogni notte
esso tane mio..
ma infine,
felice giusto i ha potuto ripartirsi la mia difficoltà con voi

Realised the the translator wont exactly give you the meaning so heeh...i guess only smart ppl will figure out what i have to say..just love speaking in codes, makes me feel so, how shall i say it, cool...dont know lah...but what ever this period of exams has really taken its toll on me, cant imagine a more horrible time, haha..just cant wait for it to be over...mixed feelings, after the exams those summer days will be over and all that is left are memories, nothing more...haiz..whatever..but then i rmb once telling a this person that we should just treasure whatever we have left and the rest is left to god, haha..easier said then done my bro, easier said then done...hahah..the past is something i want to hold on forever...but one thing is for certain..i'll rmb you when the west winds move among the fields of barley....that i promise...forever...

to JK, my di, jem and joey, i am NOT like the person, never.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope i dont step on toes...especially the big one...if i did..sorry...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

New blogskin...new begining???.

2006-10-08T10:22:00.000+08:00

New blogskin...new begining???

haha...yi qin, see i nvr start with yo yo anymore...from today onwards i shall inject variety into my entries...haha..or not..haha...just wanted to inaguarate the opening of my new blogskin and all...

today was quite silly day for me..had phy tuition in the morn which when really fast...me tutor told me something which no one has ever told me b4, which is to not work so hard..pace my self..haha..kinda shocking i guess..hehe...anyway..the day when on and i had like jap food for dinner...haha...super cool...quite nice..but then the haze was omg...so terrible...they should cancel school..haha..that would be nice..

k lah...enough said...just like to thank my di for helping me set up this new blog skin..hah..thanks=))

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

real slack..ponning school and walking in fields of gold

2006-10-05T18:27:00.000+08:00

real slack..ponning school and walking in fields of gold

yoyo...haha...today i missed school again..haha..but then again today wasnt really productive ahah....but i think i managed to get more done then if i was in school...managed to finish 2 chapters of math which i was having a little difficulty with..and also one paper one for maths..but i tell you i feel that i am getting a little burnt out for math..hahaha...then again..seeing as i am so lazy what is there to burn out from...hahaah...who cares..see where god takes me i guess...

i feel that school is an institute where learnign should take place and we should nvr forget that..but the thing is when learning becomes more difficult in school then i think there isnt really much purpose in going to school..i mean honestly...i would rather stay home and go for tuition so as to do better ....haiz..whatever that meant..but then i feel school sucks anyway....hahaah...contraversial but deal with it...

found this song...it is one of my favourite songs...forgot abt it for a while until i stumbled upon it ytd..cant rmb how...but its a real beautiful song.kind of like after we all grow up and gone our seperate ways..we think back on all those beautiful memories of spending days frolicking in the meadows..without a worry in the world..abt how we just had fun then..i guess this is a song that is so apt for me considering that i am like nearing the end of childhood...hahaah..anyway..beautiful song taht always stirs up emotions in me...feel really nostalgic when ever i hear it...amazing song...when you listen to those words you can almost picture it in your head(at least i can, for all those with lesser intellect that's jsut too bad..)

Fields of Gold
by Eva Cassidy..

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

hey no matter where life's roads take us..whether our paths will cross again..or not...we'll always have these memories of this amazing times...i guess the words alone cannot do justice to the song..coupled with then melody i think you all will find it amazingly simple, subtle and powerful...that's just it...life is really too short to be wasted on silly things...i guess the truth is that as time passes many friends will become mere pictures in the hallways of our lives..but there will be those special few i'll never forget till the day i die...maybe we wont ever meet again but the truth is that no matter how far apart life takes us..i'll always be thinking of you and...rmb..the times where we walked in fields of gold....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

too busy to even come online...haha..cant believe it...god's grace is has never been more obvious

2006-10-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

too busy to even come online...haha..cant believe it...god's grace is has never been more obvious

yo yo...ppl of the world..haha...been quite busy these few days..haha....oh well..sucks..but havent really done much..not by my standards anyway..but then again who cares huh...

anyway..god's grace has really manifested itself these few days..i cant say how greatful i am for all the help and guidance that the lord has given me...he has shown me that he can and will help even those who are not "christians" so to speak...but he has opened many new doors and opportunities for me to enter and spread the word...that has been so amazing...

Cant say that the pressure of the As are not getting to me...sometimes i feel real tired and sian...but i have to press on...haah,....god give me strength...and i know this is a little late but good luck all for your promos...sure you all can do well and next year we'll see you as J2s...haha...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

what is wrong with me....i'm sorry...

2006-09-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

what is wrong with me....i'm sorry...

Words are so hurtful...i wouldnt even say them to my worst enemy...but i said it to my close family member...i'm sorry...

nothing much...just horrible results....but there is still hope..i think...

2006-09-26T20:26:00.000+08:00

nothing much...just horrible results....but there is still hope..i think...

yo yo..haha..well i got back like half of my papers and all and i dont like what i am seeing...haiz..cant say i havent expected the 1st week results to be bad..i mean i hardly got my engine started and all..so it si justified i guess but hey hopefully the second week's results will pull me up...got CCD so like haiz..but nvm..i know what i have to do...and i know where i have to go so its ok...

Anyway...thank my didi for staying up to tell me stories..although you were sick...you still stayed up..thanks man...really interesting...hmm...better stop talking b4 i accidentally purposely reveal stuff...hehe...just kidding...=))

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

interesting sermon today...but almost fell asleep...really too tired i guess...lyrics to josh's new song...

2006-09-24T16:43:00.000+08:00

interesting sermon today...but almost fell asleep...really too tired i guess...lyrics to josh's new song...

yo ppl of the world...what's up...ahah...i guess these few days have really been boring..nothing much to do..i guess that just goes to show i have no life..no lah..actually i do..it is just kinda hard when like most of my friends are either muggin hard for their promos or too lazy to come out..haiz..some have even started mugging for their Alvls again..like huh..talk about a mugger culture..so hey been like reading up on singing techniques and practicing..just been bored lor..that's all...the only solace i ahve is talking to my friends via sms...i mean like my house is so far in and if i were to go to their houses it would be so inconvienient so sms has been in large part a life saver..hehe..sorry to all my friends who i have been bothering these past few days..but hey at least you know that one person has breathe easier because you lived(ralph waldo emerson for those ninnies out there who have not idea waht the heck that was abt..)

Anyway, i digress...today's sermon was abt choices...how making the right choices in god can ultimately help...i was really just so exhausted and that i feel like i can sleep standing up..so i was like half asleep for half of the sermon..really bad i know..but haiz...really tried to keep awake...anyway..the impt thing was the sermon was really apt for me...i have been gulity on too many occasions of making the wrong choices...especially in my words..how often have i hurt someone with my words and then come to regret it afterwards...this yr alone..haiz...dont even feel like counting..but more imptly i have been going abt solvin prob the wrong way..the pastor said that when we try to wriggle out of probs our way more often then not, we will end up more tangled up...that's jsut the truth...i guess things are best left in god's hands...always...

you must be wondering why i have been so tired to fall asleep in church...haiz..the thing is with all these spare time i have started to think about stupid things that start to question my mentality...(not those kind of things..or not questioning my faith) for example, i am a person who has, from young, had close friends who are mostly christians, one way or another...this is certainly not the case in JC, i mean of my closest friends..i guess only less then half are christians...so like now i kinda bad at consoling pple cause like i keep bring in god..but honestly...it is the way things should be..but to my non believing friends i have undoubtly caused lots of awkwardness..of which i must apologise..but i believe that one day they will all come to the saving knowledge of chirst..not saying it will be easy but hey...god has his plans...he allows things to happen...sometimes the most horrible of things that you can imagine..in the form of sickness...or anything in fact..emotional torture...like the torment i felt a week ago...it was for a reason..i think after that for the second week of examinations i was able to concentrate better and was more relaxed...not sure abt the results but i certainly enjoyed the second week more..plus, i made a "new"friend... thanks to god...no doubt of it...so may be if you are going through a tough time now...its god's way of preparing you and making you a better person...sorry i'm going all "holy" on you guys..but this is waht i truly believe..i know that when his purpose is fulfilled you will realise that i was for the better...

lastly like to leave with you all with the words from josh groban's new song, you are loved(dont give up)..to all those out there who are feelin down..hurt or emo..or whatever...know that you are loved by someone out there...
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy I’ll - I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I’ll – I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I – I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I – I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

(You are loved)
You are loved
(You are loved)
Don’t give up
(Don’t give up)
It’s just the weight of the world
(You are loved)
Don’t give up
(Don’t give up)
Everyone needs to be heard
(Don’t give up)
You are loved
(You are loved)

just like to wish all the J2s all the best for your results...haah..and for the J1s...work hard lor...1 more wk after that it's play for you guys...keep you all in my prayers...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

josh new cd coming out....oh my....WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! a brother's prayer....

2006-09-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

josh new cd coming out....oh my....wow...a brother's prayer....

yo yo...feel great recently ahaha....finished my prelims and more imptly josh groban's new cd and single are out...WHOOOOO!O!!!!oh my just cant wait for "awake" to come out...wow...nov 7 i mean like his new single is titled "you are loved(don't give up)" sounds abit hoobstank type if you ask me,....the words are nice as is the melody but the thing is that together they feel just so unjosh....i guess ahah...i should be a good judge considering i have listened to all his recordings avaliable to man..hah...but i think he is choosing a new cooler direction..i guess...but his voice is less opera but still all the more touching he has reached a new maturity with his timbre and got better control..but who really cares just like josh groban sound...hahah...but i guess the success of the new album will be interesting to see...cause he roped in bands like imogen heap..so hey..hmm....i wonder...haha...i guess its really cool...but still cant wait...

http://www.joshgroban.com/main_news_frame.html

for my little bro, hang in there man...it will get better i can assure you that..things look impossible now but hey no one said getting ill was fun...but the truth is that i know..for a certainty...100%...i will see you back in school on tues...i just know...the headaches may get worst...but perserve bro...regardless i'll keep you in my prayers...everything will work out fine...just dont give up...

finally....mixed feelings i guess.....worried...but not for the results..

2006-09-21T13:29:00.000+08:00

finally....mixed feelings i guess.....worried...but not for the results..

haah....yoo....the prelims are finally over..i guess i did my best and results are not in my hands anymore..but oh well..haha...glad it is over....haiz...but recently a best mate of my fell ill....haiz...just feel kinda helplesss...wish i could be there for him..but haiz....my prayers will be with you...get well soon...

just broke a promise...haiz...let a certain someone down...sorry..that's all i can say..how can i make it up to you.....haiz....

PEace....and a new beginning,...

2006-09-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

PEace....and a new beginning,...

Smile.....all is forgiven....welcome home bro....just glad to have you back...

Weird dreams...opera singers....what do you make of it...

2006-09-17T18:02:00.000+08:00

Weird dreams...opera singers....what do you make of it...

yo yo, hahaah...how has the world been for you all... i guess it wasnt so bad ytd(note the emphasis on not so bad), but hey it was an improvement. i did something that i should have done a long time ago, but glad i did it...but still it doesnt explain the weird dreams i have been havin lately...about leaving and losing it all...i guess it still weighs on my mind....horrible dreams that keep repeating..the leaving then the loss, over and over again..worst still...i dont even know the reason, just that i should not doubt....how do you solve a prob that you dotn know the root cause of...trust me the worst kind of truth is the half truth, where you know only specks of information...nothing in the world can be worst then that...really...nothing...so stick it to me...plus by not telling you are not giving me an opportunity to defend my case or clear up any misunderstandings...if misunderstandings could be figured out by the individual alone, then the wouldn't be called misunderstandings right? I know i promised that i wouldnt breach this topic and all..my only hope is that you read this and understand, i am not doubting you or anything even close..but your actions have a greater and more detrimental effect then you think....the direct tell all approach is better...if it is difficult for you just say, at least i can be there to share the burden or pain, now we are both bearing different burdens and the load is twice as heavy this way, however that makes sense. If you mantain silence you are not only hurting yourself but also the ppl around you who care...facing the prob head on is the only way to solve it not drown yourself in academics or what not....remember....but most imptly,if there is anything that i can do to change the situation pls tell me...i maybe a bigger help then you know,...

Anyway, enough of all this...i just wanted to say the truth for what it is, not because i do not believe in our friendship(if there is any left) but because i believe that there is something worth fighting for..so the ball is in your court, you can share and we'll overcome whatever it is together or you can hold me at emotional ransom...i'll give you time...but that doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt me to do that...that is something i believe you understand...

Sorry...on to my second topic...i have recently been doing research on several opera singers present and past...haha..found out lots of interesting stuff about them and of course became fans of several of them...haha....but i must say the most notable one is 19 yr old soprano, Hayley Westenra...like wow that girl can sing good...her control in classical pieces is amazing for someone so young..her benedictus is wow....she can reach high A effortlessly...like wow...and her voice is super calm...but then on the other spectrum, charlotte church has become quite a whore..i mean seriously, she smokes and says F*** at every possible juncture of her life...scolds her mother and all taht..so i mean what's up with taht..i guess purity is something that cannot be retrived once lost....so hmm...something to ponder....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

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2006-09-16T12:21:00.000+08:00

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yo yo...haha...been watching ms swan recently..haha..on youtube and all but she is sooooooooo funny....he lookkk.....a like....a man!!!! That's all she says and "i tell you everything" like ahahahah...super funny....go youtube and search k? promise me...i'm sure it will bring smiles to you...haha...

These two days have honestly been nothing short of tormentous..i seriously think that i have gone crazy over something seemingly minor, but the longer it drags on the more i am going beserk..i guess it is just the stress of the examinations and all..but then again maybe not....who knows..but whatever it is i have not done much work over the past few days...oh well...seeing as i am going to screw up my exams anyway..wth...not that i am not going to try...

I guess i have given up on tryin to find the root cause of the prob..perhaps it is just beyond me this time...but i guess normacy is the next best alternative and i can hope for, not sure why but this thing is just weird, honestly i can think of no reason for such a reaction, was it something i did, or did not do for that matter..who knows...who cares anymore..not that i could even if i wanted too...i know i sound really silly and all that and maybe i am blowing things way out of proportion here but i dont know, blame it on being over sensitive i guess...just hope everything returns to normal...just give me that little chance all i ask, i promise i will never bring it up...just give an answer..pls i beg you...acceed to my stupid request...as i said before, i rather be stabbed in the chest(metephorically of course) then without the knowledge of what killed me...i respect the privacy of others to keep their problems to themselves and i think it is their right...but i guess i am just insecure in that i need to know, i dont like uncertainty especially in this area...when i feel that i concerns me...forgive me...

REcently i have had this sudden, for a lack of a better word, craving for welsh music, i guess they are simple and soothing in words and melody and this is really comforting..they also deal with problems of leaving etc..and i more importantly they have a certain hopeful yet sad timbre about them..what ever that means...i guess not that i am sure about anything anymore...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

confused...alone....i wish i was in carrickfergus...

2006-09-14T21:08:00.000+08:00

confused...alone....i wish i was in carrickfergus...

yo, guys..what's up...hahah..nothing really..but today's phy paper was unique in that i found it difficult to ascertain whether i did well or not..it was just...like that lor...cant believe it but oh well who cares most importantly i tried my utmost best...i guess i have my excuses if i want but i am not goin to take them as reasons to justify myself...i could have turned to my advantage by using it to motivate me...but i screwed it up my self....so what the heck...enough of that...

Ytd's turn of events was totally unexpected, today's as well..i certainly am not one to decorate my words with fancy conotations and manipulate the nuances..so here is the plain truth for what it is.....i have no idea what to say anymore...as i dont know when i will step on someone's toes or something..haiz..but i guess when you talk too much the probability of getting it wrong is higher...then again..confusion..i really dont know when and how to phrase my words and position my actions liao..having a social life stinks...to those involved you know what i mean...please enlighten me....or whatever lah...worst thing is i have not idea who the heck to ask...i mean like who can i turn to without offending yet another person..plus the more ppl involved means the more explaining i have to do...tired i am...near breaking point i am...and this is really the last thing i need...not now..not ever...

what ever lah....i guess i am just being silly and emo again which is like haiz...but honestly...with no one to share it with i guess here would be the best place, after all blogs are supposedly the window to our soul...or at least ideally they are....

Just wish i was in carrickfergus where i can be free of all these pressures and more importantly be home where i belong...where there will be meadows where i can roll all day...where i can be myself...where i can just do what i want...

I wish I was in Carrickfergus
Where the castle looks out to sea.
I would swim over the deepest ocean
For my love to be with me.
But the sea is wide and I can not swim over
Nor have I the wings to fly
I wish I had a handsome boatman,
To ferry me over, my love and I.

I wish I was in the land of Arak,
Where the mountains reach the sea.
Where flowers blossom as I do remember.
Where my true love came to me.
But the sea is wide and I can not swim over.
Nor have I the wings to fly.
Ahh to be back now in Carrickfergus
To be together .. my love and I.
To be together .. my love and I.
I wish I was in Carrickfergus,To be together my love and I.
I wish I was back home again...

the sea is really too wide this time....for humans at least...god you are my solace...father you are king over the flood.....i will be still and know that you are god...*smile*

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

PRelims...failure....but most importantly i realise i have so have many great friends..

2006-09-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

PRelims...failure....but most importantly i realise i have so have many great friends..

Yo yo..hahaha...now is prelims i know i am suppose to be studying and all but i have the day off tml so cut me some slack k? haha...who cares what you think..anyway today flew by real quick cause i had two papers where i had to write my hand off...feel abit brain dead...haha...so sorry if my prose is not coherrent or anything. like who cares...

Anyway i have been a wee bit stressed up these few days with the pressure of prelims and all i guess cause i have not been studying hard lah..haiz..so lazy...what kind of person am i? ANyway cant get emo here because i would be letting all those ppl who bothered to support me down...i'll like to thank a certain someone for staying up with me till i fell asleep, really wouldnt have made it through the night without you...also like to thank my close family member...thanks for talking to me and giving me emotional support and all..cant really find the words to thank ya cause it will nvr be enough...thanks so much...Also to my good bud....thanks man...for being there to have a listening ear when i needed it most..haha...relax abt the prob...the feelings you are having are all part of growing up, you just happen to be experiencing them now..not a prob one you will make it through just like you have always made it through...know that i'll be there for you 24/7 haha...support ya...god will too...

k lah...must go mug my self to oblivion whatever that means...haha....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

really slack....haha.....when have i not been...thinking of stuff....

2006-09-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

really slack....haha.....when have i not been...thinking of stuff....

yo yo ppl of the world...hahah...second entry in as many days not that my bloggin impulse has returned but more my lack of social activities(due to my mugging) has compelled me to return to blogging..as i said ytd, nothing much has happened recently, or at least nothing much i can mention in general company, the thing is i have been so maxed out by the stresses of studying that i havent really had much time to do anything else, so msging has become my sole source of solace. Haiz...but that aside it has been a time where i have really thought abt alot of stuff, how we should treat ppl and how we should live our lives...

The thing is there are many schools of thought when it comes to dealing with ppl. I remember my chinese teacher in pri school once told me that chinese ppl are more dangerous then caucasians. Why? cause caucasians stab you in front, meaning that although seemingly more painful, it is also easier to avoid and there is a higher chance of survival. But chinese are more likely to, under the pretence of not wanting to hurt your feelings, poison your tea or stab you from the back when you least expect it. Of course, the truth is that many of the ppl in our lives now are either too dense or too ignorant to notice the difference. Even those silly ppl who try to play politics often fall short..i unfortunately have seen all too many ppl being like that...call it a loss of innocence if you may...the truth is ignorance is often not bliss, the fact that nothing is said in disagreement does not mean nothing is wrong.. that's the way it is..

Secondly, the issue of trusting god, i feel that having faith is knowing the odds are against you and still trusting god for it. It is certainly not to SWEEEP i t under the rug and say leave it to god's hands....hello.....no offence..hehe....

Anyway, lucky nvr go with my nephews to study...hahaha...sorry guys...but bet you all werent very productive..and at bugis??!!!! like oh my goodness...hahah.....but i guess msging was fun..it always is, and abt the best in the world thing..both of you are tied...but i think hor the 6 marks boy who always dao a certain someone is hmmm...how shall i put it....oh well just leave it hanging and let you rot in guilt....ahahahahahahah...kidding lah....dont let your fragile ego be destroyed...

k lah i have said enough, lastly, just like to apologise to a certain someone....really sry i disappointed you, i told you many times i am not perfect but oh well....sry had to put you through this...really hope you can forgive me...

study hard guys..sure can one....haha...or not, then you all can become the oldest choir members...haah...senior senior members...hahahahaha....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

TO some my blog is dead...to some its just hibernating....however that makes sense....

2006-09-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

TO some my blog is dead...to some its just hibernating....however that makes sense....

Yo yo...haha...recently been too lazy to blog and i guess most ppl have just gotten sian of taggin on a blog that has no life so..haha..oh well..but the thing is a blog is a personal reflection of oneself inner thoughts..so i guess if less ppl know the better..haha...oh well....

anyway, nothing has really been up lately and hence the lack of incentive to blog..been having tons of tution recently...effective but essentially mindsapping..slept 13 hrs ytd...as a result missed a routine of my...sorry...haha...just really tired...anyway...to reflect on a truly forgettable week, was that horror show of a concert..which teachers' day celebration includes a poetry reading act....?????like wth, i mean no offence but even the teachers were bored by that valiant but utimately futile effort at lyrical expression...haha....

Oh well, the only thing to look forward to is....hmm....NOTHING...i am like so lazy so i figure i'll flunk my prelims and get grounded for life...oh well..haiz....but what to do...too lazy....Recently i guess i have been too slack, haiz...life sucks..but still i must press on...even if not for myself..for god at least...

these pass few weeks have been quite a revelation for me...in a gd and bad way...the bad way first....i NEVER knew ppl like gerald, zkai, gwei and zy could be SOOOOOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!! like totally unexpected..but i guess the more you get to know a person the weirder the person gets...haha....well the gd part is that god has manifested his work even more evidently in my life and the lives of the ppl around me...hahah...JK is finaly listening in church although he is kinda using some parts in the wrong area....!!!!!!!(DNA...oh my...) yah the fact that now he bothers to come and to listen even though he is so tired from...who knows what...shows alot of his mental will..this is no doubt a sign from god...praise him for giving me the strength to press on in asking him to go to church..Secondly, to a certain someone..you may not know this..but i have seen god work in your life..when we first started talking you were so adament about god..rejecting his presence totally..but now, although you may be still in verbal denial, your actions prove otherwise...shant elaborate any further but i believe that there will be a breakthrough , because god loves you, even if you dont think so...

Finallly, just like to wish all the J2s the best of luck for your prelims, jia you k...not like you willl need it considering you muggers out there..to the J1s study hard and get promoted..wont retain one...retain also must let those with 6 marks retain first....hahah....you know who you are....no offence...ahhaha...gd luck and god bless...love all of you...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

choir and a funny revelation....

2006-08-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

choir and a funny revelation....

Yo yo...sorry abt ytd blog entry..no emo thing intended..just abit bored so i guess havign a little fun..sadist huh..haha..live with it....oh well...recently i realised i have been like a little more productive then i have been the whole year..so like that's not really much cause i havent been doing anything the whole year..haha..oh well...just talking rubbish...

CAn't believe choir prac finally started again...haha...really cool and fun to see all those choir ppl again..the choir room has really been all too empty these few weeks..but i guess still getting a little used to not being charge..dont get me wrong..i'm not power hungry or anything..but you have to give me time lah..hahah..i promise nxt time i'll just shut up and dont say anything..haha..sorry if i offended anyone..haha..but then again..haha...

to the certain someone..just want to say hang in there...you have been there for me all through the way and i want to thank you..i know it is tough for you...but really perserve...i'll be at your side anytime any day any place..all you need just to ask...dont feel bad abt it...haha...utopian huh...oh well..would say so i guess sometimes worry allows us to cherish all the friends, family and all with us...and to enjoy the gd times even more..haha..kinda i hope...dont think so much abt it...hope you feel better...haha...sorry i have failed to make you feel any better liek make it worst..sorry...i pray everyday that you will go to church one day with me..but i know how difficult it is for you...so sorry...didnt mean to put you in a diff position..its just my hope...but i dont know...maybe its god's will...i hope so...

the funny sitch..haha...talk abt a small world...my god son's cousin is my sec school friend..leonard wong like wth...haha..shocking..haha..but true..oh well haha..proves my theory that everyone is related to everyone..actually not my theory...but hey...haha...sorry so random...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Empty.....just empty.....

2006-08-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

Empty.....just empty.....

yoyo world...hhaha..realised i have like blogged 27 entries already..haha..cant believe it..today was kinda fun....lessons were ok...and all but i kinda dropped by the choir room after school today...haah..after the GP bridge we all congregated at the choir room...haha..just like old times..i guess ppl do get closer after we win something..human nature...

anyway..emo is the new black...everyone seems to wear it like some fashion statement..cant blame them though..i mean the whole state of things isnt exactly awe inspiring...haiz...the thing is that sometimes you gain friends and sometimes you lose friends that's just life and you have to deal with it...hah...some ppl who are close to you create walls and all..that much is not within our power to control while some walls are broken down with ppl you nvr imagined you would be friends with...but cant help but feel as certain sense of emptiness...life just doesnt seem right...cant really place my finger on it but its just there...so if anyone has the answers pls feel free to beep and tell me..

I mean perhaps its just that...i guess lots of things arent with in the control of us and only in the hands of the lord. you shall reap what you sow..so i guess if you put in effort then the lord will reward you accordingly...so i guess so...my words carry alot of weight..especially to those who i care abt...nvr really thought of it that way..but hey...it happens...it's not anyone's fault...its just that i am now wiser abt how i should phrase things..

Really sorry to a particular someone..sorry today i didnt really pay much attention to you, choosing instead to indulge myself in the merriment of the situaltion...sorry..didnt mean it that way..sorryy...really sorry...

Thus, i give up bloggin lah..cant think of anything to write and just feel so empty..why?...only god knows...i hope you are having a better day then me...

Un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Danger and treachery lies ahead...but at least we have the now...or do we?

2006-08-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

Danger and treachery lies ahead...but at least we have the now...or do we?

haha...the world recently has become a much nicer place...after dropping FM i realised i have tons of times to study and also pursue all those things that i have been missing for so long..oh well..call me no life lah..but i dont really care..hah..feeling rebelious!!!!haha...sorry pardon my crazy mood today..we had phy timed prac which in my opinion was totally useless considering the whole cohort didnt study for it..i mean like what is the use of stoning for 2 hrs when that time could have been used for the pursuit of other more meaningful endeavours..so i mean it is just so typical of the school to come up with a hair brain idea like taht...but hey maybe it is just me who is not suited to the mundane "challenges" of school life..ahha..so sue me...regardless... i still feel more free then i have been in a long while..should have dropped FM a long time ago..

Anyway moving on cause i have only 10 mins to blog before i retreat into my shell of mugging..sucks but what to do...not my fault i have to study..haha..actually it is but hey cut me some slack. The events of the past few days have convinced me beyond a shadow of doubt that no one, no matter how seemingly angelic on the outside, is perfect. Cant say i havent seen it coming but i mean it was one of those things that you kinda hoped wouldnt happen..but it did...i felt he really lost it that day and it really scared me..all the veil of happiness and optimism lifted and so like i really couldnt believe my eyes...this i believe sets the tone for the nxt year..i have always stressed to my closer friends the importance of seeing the signs and dealing with them...but guys for once take heed..if you all continue on this path you are all digging your own graves...then when it is time to regret then its kind of too late right?

A certain someone once told me that ignorance is bliss...on a personal note i believe that is absolutely rubbish(no offence)...but i guess that it is because i have usually been in the know how and the forefront of matters for so long..not knowing will kill me...haah...but more imptly...if you are ignorant to the prob then it is impossible to rectify the prob...if so when the thing hits you, you will be in such shock and horror that i fear will be too great for you all to bear..pls i am appealing to you as a friend dont do that...on the same topic of ignorance..i recently had the misfortune of lecturing someone on the lack of know how and information..apparently he has not learnt his lesson...(ps. you know who you are..better buck up or else...the end is nigh..) anyway..you guys have the knowledge and of course the advice you need to salvage the situation..but most imptly know that the lesser ppl know abt it the better....be careful of who you tell ..you nvr know...

My only advice(may not be gd but its a long shot) is see it not as an obstacle but as a means of getting to the goal; the greater good. Do not reject it, in fact try as best possible to embrace it and make it part of your big family. This way, the link will be re-established and the survival will be ensured...dont see it as the end of the road for it is not until you make it so...it is not over till its over..so fight on..but dont let it bother you as much as it is worrying...the potential is immense dont ruin it...

Lastly, just like to remind you guys that as much as all this is dark and gloomy..the thing is that at least you all have the now to be thankful for...all your friends and family by your side...isnt that wonderful? So treasure that...whatever you have..recharge your batteries for what will be no doubt an ardous journey...but at the end i hope you all will end up with more then just medals...you will end up with friends, and most imptly...your individuality...and god...

i digress but i been thinking recently, i really hope and wish that my family members can come to the saving knowledge of christ..haiz...but i understand their difficulties and all and i wont force them but i'll pray for them every night and day..till the day that god sees fit, they will enter the kingdom of god..hopefully sooner rather than later...

ps just like to thanks all for giving me presents...really appreciate it...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Farewell....god son, best friend, two nephews...friends...happiest i have been...starai con me

2006-08-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

Farewell....god son, best friend, two nephews...friends...happiest i have been...starai con me

yoyo the world...hehe...haha..today was the farewell, marking the end of a whole week of frantic activity of buying presents and tuition..hehe..ok kinda no link but who cares this is my blog not yours so live with it...k..joking..haha...oh well today's farewell was really fun, zkai's house is really nice and the flat screen tv was kinda cool, oh well...but i guess you can tell he is the rich kind anyway..hah..i mean it in the best way possible..the function room was really small but really cool cause it was underground like under the pool or something and then it was like besides a pond where there were fishes and all....haha...the J1s "single voice" sounded really good...congrats for a job well done..not bad at all..really impressed...just underlines the truth that mr kwei has been saying that you all have tons of potential..ahha..

oh well, i guess the really cool part was all the presents..hehe..got so many of them today and i was like WOW!!!!! but not to hao lian or anything..it is just that i am really thankful fro all those who got me something..thanks alot..i know i didnt like get all of you stuff but i was really broke...sorry..i'll make it up to you somehow..not intentional but just a victim of circumstances...just like to take this opp to thank 4 ppl...3 crazy ppl and one really nice nephew...to the 3 crazy ppl my god son, zhan yong, my nephew zkai and jk...what in the world were you thinking???!!!!crazy ppl who are just nuts..!!! i tell you when i heard of what you guys got me i really was like shocked...to my god son, you are siao one..i really dont know how to repay you cause you got me such an amazingly super gift that i am just speechless...now i am eternally in your debt..haha..no lah..kidding...family dont keep score...right?hope so anyway..but i tell you i am really touched...to my nephew zkai...boy you can really spend money...more imptly you gave me something that i really needed...a clock and the glasses..really nice and cool thanks man...as i said you are one of the nicest nephews an uncle can have...haha...hope you liked my gift i think that frog really looks like you...in a cute way..haha..the grin is classic you..haha...stay happy k..but i think hor you need to like start practicing the kissing GW...then you will have experience lor...haha..last of the siao ppl, JK you hor can really surprise ppl when you want to...totally unexpected...but the funny thing is i got something similar for you...haha..oh well..but i must comment that you have no skill when it comes to pealing of price tags..i know how much it costs lor..haha...but that just makes me feel even more touched that you actually bothered to buy it for me...thanks so much bro...especially after how i have treated you..thanks...hehe...i hope you like it as it represents one of the biggest triumphs in AJ choir and it is to signify how you can scale greater heights if you put your heart to it...how can i forget the newest edition to my family...GW...hehe...haha big mama..dont feel bad abt your gift..the datou thing is SUPER CUTE!!!!!!! haha..really loved it..your card was nicer the zkai's one lor(sorry zkai..no offence)...haha..cause you wrote it out, your handwritting is beautiful but a little small, your uncle is getting a little old and short sighted...hehe..so hey..haha....but tis alright..i feel that you are a real cool nephew other the the fact that you are like gossip central

As mark rightly said the time ahead will me full of tribulations but i feel that at least for now we can enjoy each others company and all..that's all that matters i guess...living in the now..but dont forget that everyday will have its own set of prb...so dont worry too much...it will come when it comes...haha....i dont really feel like sad at this farewell because for me it is just temporary..we will be coming back for sectionals anyway and our heart will always be with AJ choir no matter where we go..hehe..that counts for something...so like see you on 17th on aug...for prac..dont be late...sorry..couldnt resist...anyway...for those of you wondering what starai con me means..it's a song by pavarotti..and it means you will be with me..which is what you guys will always be..with me where ever i go...to england or to africa...the memories i will keep even long after we have lost contact is priceless....to my god son and nephews...todo la pa familia...everything for the family...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

danger and treachery lie ahead...haha....but at least we can enjoy the now....or can we?

2006-08-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

The farewell dawns upon us....AHHH!!....many presents i have to buy...

2006-08-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

Evil and high...oh well...haha...

2006-08-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

Evil and high....oh well...haha...

yo yo ppl...evil huh...hahah....Draco malfoy..popular and evil....hahahahaahahahaha....as usual..but hey ok enough of crap...haha..today went to the festival of praise..WOW the atmosphere was electric..it was like everyone was jumping and dancing and singing..i sang some otherworldly notes...like i could reach alto for one..WOW>...god was really there and it was so worth the 3 hr wait...haha..

Anyway...just got a new nephew..like haha...really cool but funny..rmb in sec school got a few silly girls like to play family and all and i used to reject them like wth...haha..but now i feel differently abt it..hah..good opp to bond with ppl..oh well at least the ppl i am family with are not sickening bimbos who irritate me to death..oh well...i guess it has to do with the ppl...haha...

Still havent got the opp to buy presents for ppl..like i am so going to die..but i will find a way to do it...must lah...so many pple ot buy for...JK, Chi hong, MAlcolm, DJ, BEl, zinuan, huiying and xinyi..plus so many J1s..my god son and god nephew...GW..aloy..Ht...hmm..still got some more but my brain is too warped now to think..so sorry..yah the J2s as well, yl, hq and lala..haha...going to be absolutly broke..oh well..once in a lifetime so i guess a little less capital wouldnt hurt...

k lah...i'm tired oh well..bloggin is tiring..haha..the item is yet done...OH MY!!!!!....just hope i have the voice to carry it...but hey god will provide..hehe...rock on ppl...Aj choir will always be in my heart..and you will see alot more of me then you think...i'll be back...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

WHy do we but on a show everyday.......good?....

2006-08-05T19:48:00.000+08:00

WHy do we but on a show everyday.......good?

yo yo ppl of the world...haha...life's been cool for me...been quite slack and all a little tuition here and there..oh well the usual..its amazing how i can have tuition for all my subjects..seeing as in i dropped one sub..haha..still quite proud of it..GP homework's a killer..but it's really my fault for slacking too often..so have to mug lor..haha...till late..but who cares...

REcently, i suddenly realised that alot of ppl are just putting on a show in front of everyone..dont get me wrong i am not as silly as to believe that we all show emotional honesty..it is just that it is shocking how many ppl are doing it..i mean everyday we all say hi and bye but in our hearts we habour this amazing amount of angst hatred and all...i guess i have had the "priviledge" of seeing ppl for who they truly are...i am not saying that they are totally at fault cause sometimes the circumstances call for it...call me sadist..but i find it quite funny how sometimes ppl can be so ignorant and not realise the things that are going on under their noses..myself included..hah..some of the ppl are really not who they seem to be...hah..didnt know Zkai was so scandalous..galavanting off to timbaktu with his "ahem"..oh well..i guess now that he is clay aiken he has the liscence to do that..hehe..the nerve of some ppl...

There were certain undercurrents which i was unaware of but they seem a little scary now i think of it...how can so much be happening without it being evident on the surface...haha..oh well call me outdated...

Anyway..recently choir ppl have been posting abt how they all miss xiamen and all that..haha..oh well cheer up ppl..its not like the seniors are all dead and all...oh well some are ..but i digress. Didnt choir had so many emo ppl who love to wallow in their own misery. Cant blame them sometimes i myself have taken that road all too many times. It is ok to feel sad, happy and all those emotions i guess but to keep harping on the negative just to gain attention is hardly the way to go..you will be surprised how many ppl have this prob..all you need to do is to look hard enough and you will see them...

Haiz....the farewell is nxt sat at Zkai's house..promised i would trash it..haha..sorry..it is good cause it is near my house...saves me the trouble of going too far..not really looking forward to it for several reasons. 1. i havent bought any presents and seeing my schedule nxt week it seems that i will have to give a IOU to so many ppl..sorry..kidding alh..sure buy one ....2. there is something that i have to do by then which i have not had the chance to do at all..1!!!!!!!AHHHHH!!!...aiyah..i so goood..dont need so much time one lah...1hr should surfice..actually that's all that;s wrong witht me going to the farewell...i'm not sad cause i know that i will be back in Aj choir for many more months to come(sorry to those ppl who hate me...that's just too bad) ahah...hopefully i will get the opp to go to pattaya with them nxt year but i know as long as it is humanly possible i will go back for prac and all..haha..carolling will be fun..just dont let certain..ahem ppl conduct can liao...oh well...for me it is certainly not the end of the choir journey so there is nothing to be sad abt..haha..plus there is always MSn...cool sia...

hah...running out of words to say...i thought i was emo..but i guess for every depressively arrogant person in the world there are ten more crazed individuals haha...just try to stay happy...the world wont end just yet...not until god says so....haha...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

A huge burden off my shoulders.....haha...sorry guys i really tried...but sometimes its not up to me....

2006-08-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

A huge burden off my shoulders.....haha...sorry guys i really tried...but sometimes its not up to me....

YO yO ppl of the world..haha..last time i wrote i was a little angsty and all..but hey i am so over it..as usual. Today i am in high spirits as i finally put my biggest worry to rest..my Fmaths..finally managed to drop it so glad its over. I have been contemplating it for so long and worked so bloody hard with little results and all..so i guess it is really WOW...haha....sorry to all my friends in F maths though..hq and the 4 from my class..really sorry i had to do this but i hope you understand i have my own difficulties and all really sorry that i am unable to continue with you all on this journey, i tried really hard but it is really beyond my ability to do so. So i am sorry...hope you guys excel and do well in the future....all the best...

With the poisoned chalice now lifted i have been thinking alot abt god and all...i realised that there are so many things in my life that i dont have control over, like my friends, my enemies or anything of this sort, even my work is beyond my control...haha...i have learnt that if we rely on our own abilites and understanding there can be only one result...total and utter failure...haha..pesismistic you may say..haha...but it is the truth..It is a common mistake among the christians and non christians alike to tend to want to get their life in order before they turn to god..but that is the way of the world...that is the voice of Satan...reject that...the truth is that when you get your relationship with god in order everything else in your life will fall in place...i must really confess that i havent really been giving my life totally and wholeheartedly to god, and i pray that you all out there dont make the same mistakes..but god is good and has been helping me non the less and i guess you can say he has taught me, in his own way, an important lesson about life and trusting in him for everything. The details are fuzzy but hey, if you come talk to me maybe i may just be able to recall some..hehe..who knows...

I have learnt much over the past two years in JC about the lord, i feel that he is speaking to me more then before and for which i am thankful...haha...he has guided me in so many ways this year and all and sometimes i just dont thank him enough or give him credit when it is due..to be totally honest, there were times this year where i doubted him, i know that was bad so dont folow my example..ever...hehe...

Praise be to god for he has helped me remove the burden from my back and now i have gotten new friends to continue with me on this journey of life...haha...you win some and you lose some i guess...haha...the lord is gracious and he really provides in times of need...

Still kinda feel a bit weird from the lack of choir pracs...but now i am much closer to choir ppl around and they are like all Hi Hi kind of thing..the morale is really high now for which i am happy and proud of..haha...cool lah..cant wait for the VC concert..chance to see the juniors again..hehe...for some bizarre reason feel kinda bonded to them..oh well..some things cannot be explained...haha...today was quite weird, me, mal, bel and aloy just stood outside point X and started chatting abt choir and stuff...kang seng was there too..hehe...oh well it was queer but certainly lots of fun...haha..haha..oh yah zhi xiong is still as blur as ever...haha...sorry couldnt resist...just ytd was talking to zy, gerald and qw abt how weird choir ppl are gettin...oh well...it happens every year but this year there are just too many ppl who are weird..we have the air con, fei yu qing, jug head, celine dion, fantasia, clay aiken, sarah brightman...and the stalker..so like wth...haha....oh yah still got xiao xiong...haha...oh well...i guess we have the whole assortment of weird ppl..but that's what makes Aj choir so special and fun...

The divide between the head and the rebel is getting worse i fear, reconciliation doesnt seem to be anywhere on the horizon, i fear the last chance was left behind in xiamen..sad lah...if they could work together things could have turned out so much better..but arrogance is a dangerous tool i guess...but of course being too humble impedes one's progress as well...balance..but who cares..

Lastly, like to give a shout out to my god son...yo tom..you have really got to lighten up..haha..dont take my words to seriously and all...everyone makes mistakes and you just have to learn from them dont need to brood..your a great guy...thanks for all the support since b4 xiamen really appreciate it...haha..see ya around...and at the concert...haha...stop being so perverse....bad influnce..haha..kidding lah...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Back from the olympics.....World Champs...but i got so much more then that...

2006-07-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

Back from the olympics.....World Champs...but i got so much more then that...

YOOOOOOYOOOOO ppl of the world, it has been a few days since i last blogged..haha sorry..been a way in xiamen for competition and alll....haha...real emotional roller coaster..and as you guessed it we came back as World Champions..but the truth is i learnt so much more then just that..i made several new friends whom i never dreamt i would have the chance to meet. Its funny sometimes how things work...

I guess on the surface leading the choir to become the best in the world seems to be the pinnacle of achievement for any Student conductor, but i tell you the truth, the true achievement was not in the result but in the process. I have to admit that much of the credit of this feat cannot be attributed to me as i have done little as an SC. In fact recognition must be given to all those ppl who worked and slogged tirelessly for the cause like all the SLs and the junior student conductors...As this will be my last blog entry as a student conductor, i shall use this opp to thank all the ppl along the way that have helped to make me a better person and AJ choir a better choir...

In no order, firstly, BAss section leader malcolm, thanks for all your support throughout this ardous journey and i know that the bass section can be very difficult to take at times with the problems alternating between poor singing and politics, its been hard and for that i thank you..you have done a splendid job. More than this i would like to thank you for the quiet support you have given to me during my tenure as an SC. Just like to let you know that i know what you have done for me and you have my eternal gratitude...any problems feel free to call...i'll be there to help you...

SEcondly, Ding Jie, thanks for all your help especially towards the end of the journey. You helped with all the combines and all and i must really thank you for being the conconcience of the choir, always ready to step in and rectify the problem whenever neccessary. I must be honest and confess that there were times last year where i wasnt your biggest fan but that's all changed, you can be caring and sensitive whenever you want to and when you do, you make the ppl round you feel special. You are a great SL and friend no matter what pple say..so keep your head up and feel proud of what you have achieved...you deserve every bit of the glory.

Third, Zi nuan and Bel..thanks for all the perserverance and effort for the alto section. Its been tough but you all have done a splendid job in mantaining order and of course the high standards in the alto section..haha...great work, your dedication and caring qualities have not gone un noticed and i would like to applaude you for the effort. Choir would not have been half as good without your in put.

Fourth, huiying, xin yi, xing ying and yen yen, thanks for all the hard work you all have put in. Always asking me how to improve the section..haha...you all are doing great, sure can one lah..ahha..i have faith in you all, you all have tons of potential in your section, and you all have the ability to unlock that potential, so use it..k?haha...

Fifth, junior SC, jing kang, to be totally honest, AJ choir's progress is due largely to your excercises and not mine..so i guess you should claim most of the credit for the success..hehe...but i hog the glory anyway as usual..but thanks for all the help way back to march where you help me analyse the songs..you didnt even know you would get a chance to be SC..but god works in crazy ways..i knew back then that you would make a great SC so hey..must jia you k?
i know this job is a tough for you but hey, gd stuff are always worth the effort. God put you here for a reason and dont deny others a chance to share your talent..thanks for also being a friend in times of need, many a times when i had no one to turn to u spared your time and that means alot to me. Cant really find adequate words to thank you for all the help that you ahve given me throughout the course of the year, you have already surpassed what i can ever hope of achieving yet you beared with my incompetencies..for which i thank you..

Lastly, i would like to thank all the juniors that have helped me during xiamen. Thanks to Zhan Yong(thomas) for all the laughs and of course thanks for your help when i was hungry..hehe...thanks alot...you are a great kid, one of the basses with immense potential..jiayou and go for it..haha..always supported me and encouraged me on whenever i had prob...thanks man..really appreciate it...Thanks also to aloy, haha...had quite a bad impression of you over the holland thing but xiamen really opened my eyes to a different you..thanks for all thefun, the rubbish and alll...haha...most importantly thanks for being a friend, really enjoyed the Mac with you..hehe...we should do it again sometime soon..hehe..but i see a very strong character in you which i admire...alot..i dont say that about alot of ppl...so feel honoured...hehe..kidding lah...nothing to feel honoured abt lah..i owe you alot from this trip and you are a man of god so keep it that way....haha...i am sure god will continue to bless you in many ways...

hahah..so i'm done...if i missed out anyone it is not because i hate you or anything..its the giddness of my headache so forgive me...it has been a crazy year for me and i can only say one thing..i realised this a little too late but the only advice i can give is that in whateva you do trust in the lord for he is the only one who can help you...i can give you advice..pple can givey ou advice but it may not work unless you devote your life to god ...whole heartedly to god...the future of the choir could not be in safer hands...that i believe with all my heart..so go out there and be the best you can be...you have my support always...just as Aj choir will always remain in my heart...

un dieu beniessent toujours
may god bless you always...

my bdae tml...2 days to xiamen...oh well...

2006-07-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

my bdae tml...2 days to xiamen...oh well...

Today was the last prac at AJ choir room as an official Aj choir member..haha..luke sim came back and we kinda reminiescent abt the old times haha..really cool that dude...best singer i know..still so modest..oh well i guess some ppl have everything..haha...i kinda felt really sad and happy at the same time, this past year has flown by so fast and so furious that i realised i never had the time to sit down and think..i kinda missed all those times and every one has played a part in shaping and moulding my life..thanks guys..

Anyway, today we performed for some teachers and they loved it..i guess it was really not bad today and i'll like to say jiayou AJ choir..haha...sorry really tired and all cant really think..just finished laying out all my clothes...wanted to pon tml but cannot lor..haiz..parents dont allow...but that will be a story for another time..hehe..not sure abt my plan for my bdae tml either..can someone enlighten me pls...oh well...i have got really nice presents this year...haha...mr bean bear....thanks..haha...but anyway...its the thought that counts i think...cause after 5o yrs the thing may have disintergrated and all but the thought, the memory still leaves on...get it?...no?..well that's just too bad...oh well....haha...nothing more really to say..just rambling on randomly...haha...busy i am...haiz....its a conspiracy to kill us all....why?!!!....haha....aiyah hope xiamen has internet, then i can update you all ....hehe..not like you all will care..oh well...tml can be the best birthday ever, or it could be the worst...i am not sure...hope its the former...but that's god's will...take care all of you...its an order...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

AJ choir....be strong...

2006-07-19T19:34:00.000+08:00

AJ choir....be strong..

Dear fellow choir members,

As xiamen dawns upon us in a matter of days i would like to take this opportunity to speak to you all. Before i start i would like to get a few things striaght first... i am really honoured, happy and thankful to be able to lead you all through this amazing journey to the choir olympics..you have all taught me valuable lessons on life and of course on music. Some of you i have only known this year others since last year but that is inconsequencial..

It has come to my attention that on a number of your blogs you have all been expressing a certain amount of "sianess" so to speak. I would like to take this chance to encourage you to press on. Rmb the time you first stepped into AJ choir room..remember the stench of the seniors' feet..remember the nervous faces as they were abt to go for audition and hopefully you rmb me...hehe..the noisy and silly SC..hehe..jking lah...what i am trying to say is to remember the freshness and the enthusiasm that you all experienced when you all stepped into the choir room..the anticipation of what the future brings and more importantly the hope of a better tml..i know that practicing the same 4 songs over and over again can get boring and can cause you to lose your feelings..but i pray that you will press on..because you all have a purpose, maybe our purposes in life are different, maybe god will take us down different paths but for now we are here together and we meet along the same road towards success in music...

I dont know abt you, but the concert felt so long ago, haha...i guess time flies when you are having fun, but pls remember all the experiences that we have shared as aj choir 2006..the pain, joy, laughter and tears....dont let your head go down because you all did not come so far just to give up. Just like when the germans bombarded british soil, the brits nvr gave up...even when they were tired, they nvr did give up and it is imperative that every single one of you must have that same "nvr say die" attitude..

As for your music, i ask just one thing of all of you...dont think abt the scores...but think abt the meaning of the songs..why were they composed and what is the msg that it is trying to say..this is something only you can do and it is essential if you want to touch lives...i know that for most of you(correct me if i am wrong) Shi ma e is no longer as good as it was because it is hard to feel sad all the time..but let me tell you something...we will only be sad for 2 to 3 more times b4 the competition so try...maybe this will help...imagine someone really close to you...your friends or your family, leaves you and treats you like dirt, ignoring you and all..and every single day you are trying to search for that love that was once there but you just cant seem to replicate it no matter how hard you try...this is, i think, the kind of emotion that has to be depicted whenever you sing Shi ma e...

Pls also take care of yourselves...you are all losing your voices and there is only 1 truly useful remedy...SLP WELL!!!...pls do that...if not all your effort will amount to nought...which is really silly if you think abt it..

Lastly, i'll just like to say that whatever happens, you all are winners..so behave like one..go up to the stage and sing your hearts out(with the correct stuff and all) AJ choir has come a long way but the journey is not over...so reach for the stars...and most importantly always enjoy the music...

your friend and fellow choir member

shaun lee

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Coming of age.....is that what i want...?

2006-07-18T17:50:00.000+08:00

Coming of age....is that what i want...?

hi hi ppl of the world....guess what day is it this friday...for those ninnies who have forgotten, it is the 21st of july my birthday...haha...the bad thing is i still have school and the nxt day i have to wake up at 3 just to get to the airport for the biggest competition of my life...but hey it could have been worst...hope to spend it with my friends and family...if they rmb...(my friends of course...hehe)

Anyways...my 18 birthday also marks a coming of age for me..not saying i will change dramatically after fri but in a symbolic way..hehe..it also kinda marks the last bdae that i will be celebrating as a school going person..hehe..so i really hope it will be the best yet..18 yrs..whoo...what a long time it seemed like ages ago when i last celebrated my birthday...i guess the year flew by so fast with choir, school and all that i feel that i years have past...perhaps its just me being silly...hehe...i realised that day that what i have gone through in this 18 yrs are things that some ppl wouldnt even hope to experience in a lifetime...i have tasted all types of emotions be it good or bad..i have tasted the worst of failures and the sweetest of successes...made the best of friends and worst of enemies...haha..but that is what makes life interesting..and i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world..not a single second..

So today, pls bear with me, but i shall like to thank the ppl that have helped make this 18 yrs all that special...in no particular order. First...my parents...hey say what you like but i think they are the coolest parents on the planet..which parents allows you to go slp overs as you wish..even on school nights..haha...which parents are as supportive when it comes to my endeavours..haah...second, my brother, joseph, haha...you may pissed me off 99.9% of the time but that 1% that you dont makes it very special...haha....so i'll give you a little credit for that. Plus you teach me how to patient..haha.

third, i'll like to thank my former tuition teacher, aunty dawn. You have thought me everything i know about leadership, abt how to be a good leader and most importantly how to be a god fearing individual who loves god..thanks a million..i'll nvr forget your lessons that you gave me and how they have really changed my life..

fourth, all my tuition friends who at that time helped me and shaped me to become the leader i am today. Thanks for all the times we played soccer together, studied together and of course had those "competitions" i feel honoured that all of you gave me the opportunity to lead you all and am eternally gratful for the support that you have given me over the 2 yrs we knew each other...thanks...

Fifth, All my classmates and school mates in ZHSS..a special shout out to by dear friend yi qin, i still have that metal chain you gave me..thanks for all the times you wasted listening to my crap and i will always be open to your opinions and suggestions..however blunt they may be...hehe...also like to give special mention to my mentor and dear sister in christ, michelle..we have known each other since sec 1 haha...those were the times..must really thank you for being there for me always and helping me with all my problems...cant believe it has been 6 yrs already..how time flies..but i couldnt think of anyone i rather have as my friend then you..haha...remember the times we emceed together and that time at the edusave awards where we sang hillsongs in the dressing room and our legs lost their feeling from standing for so long..hehe...oh well, i kinda always forget your bdae but you nvr forget my...hehe...kinda feeling bad right now but friends forgive right?....kidding lah..try to make it up to you sometime.

sixth, my choir mates, luke, hanquan, malcolm, ding jie, mark tan, yt, yl, lala and zx...thanks for making my choir experience as amazing as humanly possible....thanks..haha..i know there were times where i was being really difficult and all but you stuck by me and even defended me when the need arose..thanks...haha..sorry hq i keep calling you fat, but you are what beijing 101, haha..just jking..dont worry lah..you sure can slim down eventually(may be in 2 milenia) Yl you must really try to GROW UP literally...hehe...still need student pass ah...for luke and mark..thanks for all the guidance and help to make my assimilation into choir as painless as possible. To mark tan, i want to thank you for giving me this chance to be an SC..been one of the best experiences in my life..haha..to dj, thank you for bearing with my incompetence at times and all and to zx and lala...haha..thanks for all the fun joy and laughter along the way..hehe...cant imagine choir would be half as fun without you 2..lastly, yt and moley kor kor..haha...crazy nuts..that's all i can say..hehe...

sorry its so long but i only have 4 more grps of pple to thank...haha..7th, all the JC1s...thanks for all the help that you all have given me as an SC and thanks for your concern when i was down...really appreciate it...thanks..hehe..big mama...and his boy friend clay aiken..haha..you two are really funny and all..botherign absolutely nuts...hehe...thanks joey for your invaluable help..haah..you're a deep person..

8th, my 2 "sisters" ht and belly...haha...thanks for being there for me and having lots of fun...piglet...hehe...you hor always thinking of ways to lose weight,hah i think you look perfect the way you are..you are always happy and that is a good thing...stay that way...dont ever change..hehe...to bel, thanks for all your patience and guidance and all..great listener...haha..but i guess i really need to learn to listen more and talk less..sorry abt that...haha..but thanks for telling me...shocking but it worked so thanks..thanks alot for your help...stop worrying abt certain things...like a certain boy who is already attached.."ahem"...dont be sad...haha...

9th, my best bud and brother in christ, JK. Thanks for all the help you have given me in helping me become a better SC...sorry i kinda sabo you to be SC...haha..sorry..but hey its all in the spirit of learning..hehe..i really want to thank you for listening to my probs however silly they may seem and givning me your honest opinion on issues....lots of fun having you in choir...haha..just so childish...and silly...elohsssa...toidi...try to be more childlike k?...stop worrying so much abt choir..not much time left for me to teach you but hey...you still have the best teacher in the world..god..so use him...pray...the holy guy havent call yet ah...hehe...

finally at the top of my honour roll...is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the almighty god...haha..who were you expecting..thank you god for being there for me and for placing all the above ppl in my life to make this 18 yrs so fun and special, thank you for comforting me when i am down and lifting me higher when i am up..thanks...

These 18 yrs have been a blast...if the rest of my life is half as interesting as my first 18 then i can consider myself really blessed...haha...really...for all those ppl who i may have missed out, sorry..haha..but know that you have really made a diff in my life...thanks...again to one and all...

Go, aj choir...haha....!!!!!!!

An apology.....that should have been said a long time ago...

2006-07-17T15:16:00.000+08:00

An apology....that should have been said a long time ago...

To:whoever it may concern...(u know who you are)

i just want to say i'm sorry...for everything..for wasting your time when you should have been using it to study with my stupid problems; For not being a good enough friend to you in your times of need. i guess i am just lousy at comforting ppl, only good at breaking their spirits..for that i am sorry.

I remember there was a time not to long ago when everything was fine and all..we were best of friends and there was nothing in the world we couldnt talk abt..but now because of my immense stupidity that is no longer so. Einstein is right..."there are two infinite things..the universe and human stupidity, i'm not so sure abt the former." For all the silly things i have done u nvr judged or hated me, neither did you find me a burden..but i guess i am just childish..as what my pastor said...bearing of grudges and being angry over silly things..i guess i have to be a little more childlike..forgiving and humble...

I nvr meant to scold you at any point in time and sometimes my anger can get the better of me and i will say things i dont exactly mean. Maybe i am wrong but, i wont blame you even if you hate me and all, it is justified as i probably deserve it. Words cannot sufficiently express how sorry i am...how bad i feel...i didnt mean half the things i said to you, honesty is important but what i did was to make you feel bad and that was not what friends should do..not now not ever. Manipulation is a sin and there is no excuse in the world that can justify such an action.

Please dont ever think that i hate you or am disappointed in you, because i am not. Your abilities leave nothing to be desired and i think you will grow and learn in time. In fact if there is anyone who i should be disappointed in, it is myself. You have done nothing wrong. I am really at a lost for words now and i pray that you will be able to get the gist of what i am saying...words hurt and i know that..but yet i used them carelessly...i'm sorry..

Lastly, i just want you to know that i will support you always and be willing to help you regardless the consequences...i dont mind..but i pray you tell me some of your probs and give me a second chance to be a friend to you...i'm sorry...sincerely hope that you can forgive me...but if you dont want to be my friend i totally understand...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

An interesting story to share...see what you make of it...

2006-07-15T21:24:00.000+08:00

u An interesting story to share...see what you make of it...

today i met up with an old friend, we sat down and chatted and talked abt some stuff...the person was really troubled abt a prob..she told me abt her friend back in school that she felt quite pissed with..she said that she tried everything to help the person in every and any possible way but the person was not willing to reciprocate. Everytime there was something that the person wanted, or needed, she would be the first to offer help and assistance, even if it meant inconvieniecing her. But when my friend asked for the slightest of help, the person was the first to distance herself from the prob...vexed she was...poor thing...she kept thinking hey maybe she has her reasons..but the more it seems that the person was just intent on doing what makes her life the most comfortable and easy, not placing my friends welfare above her own..she said she didnt need her friend's life to revolve round her, just felt that sometimes you have got to make sacrifices as well...i cant say i disagree with her..she brought up a particularly valid point abt how if you do things only when you are convienent you are not a gd friend..cause like that anyone can be a good friend. A gd friend is one who goes over and above the call of duty to help the person..regardless of the circumstances...studies may be one thing..but if you are not willing to make that kind of sacrifice then should you two even be friends...that's what i told her...

The thing that made my friend the saddest was that she had absolutely no way of telling her friend that. Rmb in my earlier post i said sometimes things can be awkward even among the best of friends and this was one of them. She tried once and the friend promised to change but nothing happened....so how to be more patient...?

i think that when things happen like that..its really difficult to be understanding to the other party. i mean you tried talking to her and tried to clarify it with her but to no avail. Sometimes you can try to be as understanding as you can but if they dont want to change there is nothing you can do or say that will change that..you have done your best....maybe its time to look for a new friend..pronto...to this person if you are reading this...let me tell you something..you had a chance..in fact many chances to save it but you blew them one by one...life is abt choices...you made a choice to ditch ppl and so you must bear the consequence of not having that person as a friend anymore...worse still u have to make the other person bear the consequence along with you...its hard...whoever this person is...i hope you will reflect...

anyway today my friends came to celebrate my b dae with me...thanks to wei sheng, jin yong, xavier, alfred, liang hock , yi long and chris..you really made this a very special bdae i will nvr forget..haha...i loved the shirt and the Mr Bean bear...suits me seeing as in i am such a Bean like person..haha..thanks a million you guys are the best friends in the world..had lots of fun..hehe...sorry that i sucked at pool...i'll improve..

tired...but hey xiamen's in a wks time...whoo...go AJ choir...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

a tribute.....to a friend....

2006-07-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

a tribute.....to a friend....

dear friend,

Still rmb the first time we kinda got to know each other..haha..over this journey of choir we have met with countless obstacles...there were times i admit that i hated you so much....but yet there were times where we were tight. Haha...i know you are going through a tough time so hey...here is my tribute to you..hope you will feel better...

You have been a real sport in choir and all and i really enjoy singing alongside you...dont always give you credit for it but heh..you have got a unique voice( make whateva you want out of it..but i mean it in the best possible way) ahah...Just been lots of fun. As i write this i think of all the times in choir where we joked we laughed, we cried and we hung in there when things werent going well...haha...

There are certain ppl who will just remain as seaweed in my life...but you are certainly not one of them, you have always been a constant support to the ppl around you and have certainly made a difference in my life...haha...i know the situation now can be daunting and all but you have just got to stick it to it..dont do it because you have a responsibilty to the choir but do it because you have a duty to yourself to make the most of your life..i have always believed nvr live in regret..perhaps you are not a christian yet so you may not get what i am saying but i'll say it anyway..god will nvr give you something you cannot handle and god will always be there to help you to guide you and make your path striaght...now it may seem impossible, but nothing is impossible when i comes to god...i implore you to have a little faith...for your sake...

Also, you must know how important you are to me as a friend because i mentioned you in my blog(hehe) i know that it is hard..trust me i really do and i have been through all that you have been through and more but really try hard to find that strength within you to go on...the end is near...

Lastly, i just want to say take this time to weigh your options..what ever your choice is i will respect it and support you regardless the consequence..you may not want to confide in me but i just want you to know that we'll be there for you always...if you need a shoulder to cry, a place to vent your anger or just a ear to listen...i'm there...so cheer up k? its hard but hang in there....i'll keep u in my prayers always...you have always been a fighter so stay that way...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Choir prac today...one of our last...as AJCHOIR 2006

2006-07-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

YoYo...what's up ppl of the world. To anyone feeling sad out there, dont be...tml will be a better day and there are lots of things in the world to look forward too..if it makes you feel any better, know that your friends will always be there to support and lend a hand when ever neccessary...hehe...

haiz...one of my last choir practices as student conductor..haha..it's really kinda sad that it will be ending soon, this journey of music. It has been an amazing journey for me from non choir member to singer to student conductor. I still remembered the first time i stepped into the AJ choir room. Believe it or not, mark tan looked really imposing and all and i was kinda scared that i wouldnt make the grade...haha...1 and half yr on, look where i am..it has really been god's grace all the way. He has guided me when i was lost and lifted me up when i was down. It is a really pity that i have rediscovered my love for choir when there are only so few prac left...but hey at least i can treasure all these remainding practices and all. There is just one major downside to this---when i am into something i take charge of all aspects of it..regardless of who i am working with. I guess this has been a major flaw for me..but as they say if you want things done well do it yourself. The nxt comment i am going to make may get me killed or hated for the rest of my life but in the name of freedom of speech i shall say it anyway. I think that sometimes we are not giving our music leadership enough respect..and i am not meaning the SCs..you know what i mean. The truth is sometimes he can be abit queer in the way he handles things but what he does works and we should just follow him..ask yourselves how many of you treat him more then just an teaching tool..he is a human being you know...as long as he has not done anything to you you all should not be so weak minded as to be swayed by popular opinion...i detest that...if you have experienced it yourself then i have nothing to say...but if not..it is better to keep it to your stupid selves and reflect..especially those in high places....no offence..

The future for choir holds many potential pitfalls and all, but i can tell you that the student conductor's job is the most fulfilling and wonderful job in the world. You are like the face of the choir...seemingly glamorous but haha....still water runs deep....Ppl may hate you,. you may be in difficult positions and sometimes it is up to u to play mediator..so what..the things and experiences you can get out from it are priceless and you will treasure it for life..some of you may be wondering how do you choose a student conductor....hehe....since i am going soon i might as well be frank...there must be several criteria that have to be met before one can become a student conductor...

1. must be patient--always willing teach a person and not get angry and help the person no matter how trying the person may be.
2. Must have ppl skills---i have nvr believed in the stuff it down your mouth leadership style and i believe that pple should listen to a leader out of free will rather then out of fear
3. Musical competency---must know how to see the chords and play the piano...it is not a must (i'm an example) but it is prefered
4. Must feel for music and love it---SCs are the pple who will direct the musicality in the absence of the conductor himself..if he/she cannot see or portray the feelings required then how can the choir get it?...i wonder..
5. MUST BE READY TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM---sometimes instructors flare up, it is up to the SC to be the go betweeen to try to make things better even if it means getting scolded for the choir even though it may not be your fault...
6. Willing to learn---you are nvr too good to learn, the moment you stop learning you will fall back and the choir will suffer because of that..
7. READy to lead---there are times where morale and all are low and it is up to you to kick the choir into shape..
8. Lastly, Must be strong minded and loyal---you will meet ppl who disagree with you and may even hate you for that..but u have to be strong and make sure you believe in yourself enough to make it work..that is decisivness...loyalty to the choir and to the pple around you..this will ensure that they are more willing to do as you say and that the pple around you who supported through times of trouble will not feel that you use them merely as a springboard to your success...this is detrimental to the choir....

As you can see that musical competency is only but one of many other criteria to me choosing one as an SC..knowing how to speak well is not even one my considerations because if you refer to one of my earlier post you can tell that there is the quiet understated leader and that is the type that i respect the most...again these are things that you can agree to disagree to ....but i believe that you will find them largely relevant to the job of a SC...be warned that there will be times where the conductor or the choir will not have absolute faith in you but hang in there...nvr give up..

As the torch will be passed on from me to the nxt SC...i wish him all the best in the future endeavours..you will become a greater SC then i will ever be....but try to learn as much as you can in the remainding 2 wks of choir left..although there is not much time but you nvr know when it may come in handy..i may not be able to teach you everything and all..apologise..sorry...hehe...

Some of you keep saying that i am too depressing...hey...today's entry is not meant to be that way so cheer up ppl....what is wrong with all of you?!...perhaps cause my gp is too lousy and i lack sufficient knowledge of the nuances of the english language but it's not my fault so dont blame me....haah...(actually i dont really care what you think anyway..just pretending to...)
btw, hope you guys enjoy CHMA...WHOOOOO!!!!!(ipod nano)....

In 2wks i may no longer be SC but i will still always be part of AJ choir...long live the revolution....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

finally the cloud of depression is lifted......thanks to those who believed in me, as always....

2006-07-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

YO!...what's up with your lives? Haha..thanks for all those who posed tags on my blog..thanks a million it really means alot that you all said what you said and it has really helped me to feel lots better..hhaa..since i have nothing of really importance today i shall delve abit into why i was feeling so horrible.

To be totally honest with you, it boiled down to 2 simple things...not feeling appreciated for what i have been doing and also the fact that i have not been able to make a difference in ppl's lives. First, i guess it was from the devil and all, but i felt that i was not being appreciated by the ppl in my life. I felt like i was this lackey that they could and would order around at will. But when i asked of them things they would just diss me and all...haha...but i realised that all this was the work of the devil!!!! oh well, not me actually but someone pointed it out and i am thankful. Cause you think abt it, friends should do things for friends out of the kindness of one's heart and not because of the need for gratification...so oh well, one shouldnt be so calculative and all...haha...

Second, i felt that i wasnt making a difference in ppl's lives at all..in fact i was making it worst..this was kinda guilt tripping me...you all know the song u raise me up...

"When i am down and oh my soul so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be,
when i am still and wait here in the silence, until you come and sit awhile with me

you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, you raise me up to walk on stormy seas
i am strong when i am on your shoulders, you raise me up to more then i can be."

yah anyway the thing was i wished i had made a difference in someone's life to the extent that i would be the person to raise him or her up. but i realised at that time that i was just not good enough..ahah...but ytd, thanks to a close friend, i got a msg from god. It doesnt matter if i think that i have not made a difference in someone's life, it is up to god to decide. He has, through me, done his work. I have become a vessel to spread the word of god to others...i have, because of him, given others the gift of eternal life..something that no one or no thing can every measure up. Fifty, sixty, seventy years from now when i look back i can proudly say i have made a difference, i have helped one more into the kingdom of god..thanks god for that revelation and thanks to my friend who was there for me when i needed it most and for your undying support..thanks...

God also taught me one impt lesson. It matters not if the ppl of this world do not appreciate u or show that you mean anything to them, because all that matters is that god appreciates you , god acknowledges you and appreciates you. I know this is DEFINATELY 100% true..why you may say...cause if god didnt think i meant anything to him would he send his only begotten son to die on the cross(most horrible death known at that time) for me? And ytd i felt that god was saying to me, "son i know what you are going through and i just want to thank you for doing my will...it is hard but perserve u must...you are weary come and rest with me..but see what a diff you have made in someone's life.." that is the most impt validation in the universe and i feel is the thing that rejuvenated my soul...

Now i feel ready to go on with choir and my life..who care what the world thinks, who cares what my enemies think...god put me in choir for a reason and that is to spread his love and compassion through his music and make this world a better place...as for the ppl whose lives i have been thrusted into, maybe i may cause you the most pain or trouble but one thing is for sure god has his purpose in that and you just have to stick to it...so to all those out there who feel tired of giving and giving..here's my advice to you..have faith and believe that god will make a way even when there seems to be no way...i forgot that and it took a new believer to remind me of that...shows you how god can work in the most miraculous of ways...

Can't wait for choir to start...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

a different side of me....hmm....what to do i'm naturally introverted...

2006-07-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

Greetings from loonyville...hehe..today was a great choir prac although effectively lost my voice but who cares...lots of fun...i was back to my crazy funny self again, havent laughed so much in a long time..ahah...i wonder why...hehe..(agnessa got a bit pissed and all, but hey life isnt perfect) Anyways joey told me that my blog was the total opposite from what i was in school..haah..is that a gd thing? i wonder...but the thing is that i guess that this is just a side of me that few people have truly glimpsed, pity on them though.But i personally feel that everyone has a dark and quiet side hidden down in them no matter how extroverted they may seem to be. We all have that quiet self that is reflected and perhaps from time to time a little bit depressing...muahhaahahahahah...

From young believe it or not, i have been introverted. I was kinda shy around tons of ppl and going up to speak kinda gave me the willies...but i guess you are shaped by the circumstances in which you exist in....haha...i was like exposed to adults more then my peers in my formative years so i guess i learned how to adapt. hah..that's why when ppl tell me that they cant speak because they are too quiet i tell them that it is absolutely rubbish...all you need is a will power and time. Now as you can see me as a living testimony to the power of belief and god...haha...

I've been thinking...my english standard has been falling drastically. In the past i was the bench mark of spoken english...now,(thanks in a big part to MSN) i have become relegated to the lower echelons( pardon my verbosity) AHHHHH!!!!!!!! Oh well, you win some you lose some...hehe....as i always say C'est la vie...

So, i told all you silly ppl out there that i would jinx france...haha...now do you believe me..i am right(as usual). That zidane headbutt was the most exciting part of the match...borefest...haha..pity you fools who stayed up to watch...

RESULTS!!!!!oh well cant say i have done really well and all cause i havent, sucks lah....as yet phy has a potential to get a B but the rest are hopelessly mere passes. My econs was like a D which is like...haiz...my maths C was E and my GP was not as horrible as i expected but still way too lousy to be mentioned....btw..i passed...hehe....sorry if i offend anyone..oh well i guess i can be thankful to god that i didnt die horribly for my tests...passed all so that was kinda good and all...but much work has to be done...hope you all had better luck...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

WC finals!!!!!!......plus a great sermon....i feel that today may just be my lucky day...

2006-07-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

The end of the hols finally dawns upon us....the WC final...i guess i;m not watching...i only watch matches for 4 reasons..1. i support the team; 2. the teams play exciting football; 3. i hate one of the teams and lastly if friends come over.. so since france and italy are the 2 biggest bores in the soccer world and i hate neither so i guess i skip it...hehe..joga bonito...btw, i support france but hey seeing as how i am a jinx to all teams i support you had better support italy....hah...

i guess last week was like not really a wk of school seeing as in we hardly had any lessons and all so i think i kinda slacked the week away haha...that's just me. Today i went to church and all, really cool cause the pastor spoke on a topic near and dear to my heart abt how leadership can sometimes be a really painful but how god will always be there for us..no matter what and how he can rejuvinate our spirit and make us come back even stronger...hah...

k ppl enjoy the WC final...haha....anyone who knows the score feel free to msg me tml morning...i'll love to know...haha...

un dieu benissent toujours
maybe god bless you always...

vive la france...

tired.....sian.....but most importantly do i make you proud..?

2006-07-08T17:38:00.000+08:00

haha...5.34 pm, just really glad to be back from yet another long choir prac..i guess i learnt that i have to mantain a certain amount of objectivness on my blog lest i get screwed for that...you kinda nvr know what might happen. Anyway, whatever i say here is merely my opinion and you can agree to disagree..so pls feel free to do so...

Oh well, today's prac was ok wasnt too dreary or anything but just that i am starting to feel really fatigued abt choir..cant wait for xiamen to be over, then the handover. i must say when i first became SC, i had grand dreams for this choir, i wanted to make it an organisation that not only makes the most professional sound but also one that enjoys and loves music for what its worth and not for the fame or recognition it can give you. But, the need for "practicality" soon put a end to it...still i remained dedicated to the cause of helping the choir in the best way i could. However, now i feel placid(is this the right word?...dunno lah) like nothing seems to want to move and all. First is takes up so much of my time by the time i reach home i am dead tired and all, but hey its ok..then i havent got much me time, everything is spent on choir, choir and more choir. I guess to much of anything is not good..Second, i feel that there is little more left more me to do here. I havc done by best and all and that is all i have to offer, hopefully the nxt generation will be able to soar to greater heights and champion for the love of music. Who knows but them what they can achieve...that's kinda not my business anyway..so gd luck...

Moving on, i was thinking back about all those times, i mean fun times i had in sec 4 and j1 where there were no worries whatsoever. It was a time where i really enjoyed life to its fullest, i had everything in my life----friends, family, sports, music, grades and god. I really miss all my friends along the way who help me make that part of the journey all that special for me....thanks for the help and all ....really appreciate it...

A special shoutout to my mentor and dear friend...thanks for all the times we have shared and you are just the person i need to talk to whenever i have problems...you always seem to know when to say the right things and make me feel great...thanks a million..we willl always click no matter how long we are apart...hehe....anyway, when i first saw these words i felt that it was really apt in describing my thanks to you....

I've never been the one to raise my hand, That was not me and now that's who I am. Because of you I am standing tall, My heart is full of endless gratitude, You were the one, the one to guide me through, Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning. I guess I've learned, to question is to grow That you still have faith, is all I need to know. I've learned to love, myself in spite of me And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe.

haha...apt ah.....oh well may nxt time we can perform this song together..who knows...hey...that would be fun and all...cant wait for the opportunity..God has worked wonders in my life because of you and i really feel blessed and honoured to have the chance to be your friend...thanks...

So hey, its the last leg of the journey and all, i guess i can cling to whatever passion that is left in my tired body and finish it. After that---finito---- whether i might ever return is something that even i cant answer, only god can and whatever his choice i will respect it..

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Inter house games....what a washout...

2006-07-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

nothing really impt....just crapping...

2006-07-07T00:25:00.000+08:00

HAHA....today choir prac was quite interesting. haha...kwei made a bet with us, if we finished b4 11 he wouldnt slaughter us but hey we managed to pass...i guess we are really improving fast and i think we must really thank god for that...his blessings know no bounderies...

oh well honestly today i have lots on my mind but little i can say out loud..i guess we all have those moments...today after choir prac was an absolute waste of time, we waited for mal and all for so long only to decide that we wouldnt join them for lunch haiz...after i came home, played a little com and then slept from 2.30 till 6.47...did abit of maths at night and only managed to finish part a of my econs essay..shall do the second part tml..wake up early..as usual. ahah..my hols hasnt really ended(in my mind of course) With the WC final looming..i dont think sleep will be on my agenda as yet...but nxt wk the term really starts and i cant say i am not worried abt my work, as you all know my results are horrendous to say the least so i really have to buck up. Choir has proven itself to be a massive distraction but hey i dont mind as long as we enjoy producing music together it is all worth the trouble.

if i am being absolutely honest with you i must say that choir has really changed my life. in sec school i hated being in the band and most of all i hated the commitment that came with it. now i seem to relish the challenge and i think it actually has made me a better person. It has been a tough journey and all. Some of my so called friends have turned against me and made life hell for me, but hey being a leader can be really lonely...i rmb at one time some ppl help emergency meetings in my honour to discuss what to do, and at one time i was really lost and the end was so far away...but i have to say sometimes you just have to stick it and just believe in god as he will place ppl in your life that will help you overcome these probs...

Speaking of choir, i have been allowing myself too many lapses in concentration recently, been really forgetful and showing a lack of discretion, why?---i guess my mind has been filled with too many distractions over the past few days...pmsing and all..so hey cut me some slack..but that is not a valid excuse to be irresponsibl and all but i promise it wont happen again...

today i just feel really sian so i'll stop here...hehe...enjoy friday...or whateva...GP rocks!!!

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always....

school today...sucks.....oh well...c'est la vie...

2006-07-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

Today i shall break from my dreary ranting on life lessons and move on to today, arguable the most sian day of my school year...haha..it started with that silly individual taking up more then 20 mins just to talk abt something that no one seemed interested in...but that person was quite oblivious to the sweating individuals who were absolutely pissed by her droning voice...AHHH>..some ppl just dont get it...oh well i forgive them...

Got back my maths paper...hehe...really bad lah..but oh well not like i expected anything from it...at least i passed...GP was ok...Ms tang was quite ok lah...then came the career fair, which i felt was extremely useless...seeing as i have already decided on my career path...a lawyer..why do i need to know abt how to get a degree in cooking or what not...who cares...certainly not me..But the upside is i ended up hanging out with my choir buds and we had a bomb talking rubbish..hehe...sure beats that lousy talk.

Then 2.30 choir was suppose to start, but who knows how come ppl can be so late on..aiyah actuallly not like it is something new, so hey forget abt it..warm ups took a little longer then i had planned but nvm lah...at least it was quite ok....not a bad job at all...but of course improvement is still in order..but we all have to start somewhere. Anyways, after that we broke up into small grps and went to prac..my grp kinda got the short end of the straw, out of the 6 sops in our grp, 4 had sorethroat, so like what's up with that...haha...then we had testing and all, haha...to say it was a disaster was the understatement of the century but i guess that as long as you can learn from it, it will be worth it...not making sense?...whateva...

sometimes i feel we must all take a step back lah, even though certain things are not to our liking we should be the better man, take the high road and not stoop to their level. Tackfulness is an underated quality that i am sure can help the person better and on top of that, make new friends...

We then moved on to do choreo, kind of hard for me considering i have two left feet..tell my mates back in ZHSS that i was teaching choreo, they would have laughed their heads off..that's how bad i am...hah..so anyway we where doing the choreo but i have to say that today everyone got their stuff pretty fast, just hope they rmb it..but i realised that there is a small prob abt this choir...interested? come look for me on MSN, i'll tell you...everytime i take the choir, i feel really tired...and sian...haha...perhaps it was because of the fiasco the night b4,(btw, thanks, u guys really appreciate it) but what ever the reason was i felt really shag. DJ shouted at the choir for a lack of discretion. I'm on the fence for this one....i dont disagreee with Dj abt the need to have a choir that is focused and using common sense...but on the other hand, we should sometimes relax a bit and take things easily..his outburst was a teeny winny bit scary...but what has to be done has to be done.

After choir i really felt like collapsing...cant wait for hand over, get it all off my hands...it is really kinda not worth it...then at least i can start enjoying life...anyone hear that pls help make this dream come true...well the good thing is that it is only a matter of wks b4 that and if i can bear the poisoned chalice for so long, what is a few more wks....in theory at least....but anyhow, i was really sian and all then i went to dinner with malcolm, beijing 101, yl, yt and bel...didnt regret it cause we had such a great time..laughing and playing..really lightened the mood...thanks guys...and yl sorry i keep suaning you...short can be good as well...hehe...

Oh well that concluded my horrible day..heh..a positive note...hehe....still feeling a bit nuts...but that is a story for another day...i hope you have had a better day i have...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

Confidence....

2006-07-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

YO ppl of the world who have just found out my blog...hehe...gd for you....in case you know not who i am, i am a crazy person who just loves to rant abt life...interesting? then read on...

Ytd i talked(actually wrote) abt friends-the types and some of the situations you might find yourself in when dealing with friends. Today, i'll enter a topic which is the bane of most of our existances----confidence, or a lack of it... Confidence, the magical C word, it can make you the most powerful man in the world yet it is something that can make you look like a fool. If properly utilized it can help you to overcome your deepest, darkest fears. When i talk abt confidence, i usually am refering to the faith in something or someone's ability to do something...get my drift? nVm...you'll catch on soon enough...

Now when exactly is confidence gd you may ask....hmm...how shall i put it...firstly, it will help you to get things done more efficiently and well. Why? Simple, the thing is that when you have faith in your own ability you are ten times more likely to start enjoying what you are doing, and if you do so you will definately start to feel your energy rising and your prowless being enhanced...muhahahahhaahahhaahah

secondly, confidence will help you to overcome your problems. this is because when you have faith in your own ability or in someone else's ability then you will feel more at ease. i think it comes from the comfort and the knowledge that that thing will see you through it all...no matter how bad the situation seems..When you are relaxed and at ease, then you are more likely able to perform to the best of your ability.

Lastly, confidence is contagious. If you are confident, it will inspire ppl around you to be confident abt their own abilities. i'm not really sure why, but hey it is like laughter, involves some cheeem bio rubbish...who cares..

How can you bulid confidence? the answer is quite simple really...you must forget yourself and just go wild. allow me to elaborate. the thing that is preventing you from feeling confident is fear. i quote charles Lutwidge Dodgson "If u limit your actions in life to things that nobody can possibly find fault with, then you will not do much" sometimes you just have to have a bit more self belief and you will be amazed how fast you can build your confidence. Alternatively, you can base your confidence on someone who you look up to. For me its god, the omnipresent and most powerful king of king and lord of lords. if you dont believe in him, then place it on a person you respect and trust, maybe your best friend, your parent...who knows...as i said confidence is contagious, everytime you feel small, imagine that person by your side lending you his or her confidence and pushing you on, guiding your every move. Imagine what the person would have done in the situation and do it...that way you will perhaps just find a little more confidence...i guess that is why some performers will look for familiar faces in the crowd so as to calm their nerves and gain confidence. The second thing essential to gaining confidence is to know your stuff well. If you know it well enough then hey, who is to say your are wrong,, just go for it...hehe...

For those of you out there who are still wondering on how to bulid confidence, i can tell you that all you have to do is to have more self belief, do not be afraid of failure-it is better to have tried and failed then to have nvr tried at all...so the only person stopping you from gaining confidence is yourself. I am not saying it is an overnight thing...but if you keep at it, use every opportunity to learn and even more so if there is someone there to help you...ask as much as you can...only then can you be on your way to a new more confident you....haha...rmb...belief is the key to confidence...and it works wonders....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

FRieNds....

2006-07-03T18:07:00.000+08:00

Today i have decided to continue on my series of "articles" on life...heehee..i know you must be wondering hey arent you only 17...hah...but i guess i have been through much and read lots of stuff abt it and who knows...maybe i may just have stumbled onto something...who knows...then again you can agree to disagree...no one is stopping you..

TOday's topic is abt friends...like or not these are the people that you spend most of your life with, you laugh with them, cry with them and of course go nuts with them...there are many different type of friends that you can possibly have, some better then others but hey they all help to make your life that little more interesting...

The most basic type, and also the most common type is the aquaintance.. pple who are in your life for some reason or another... but hey they just exist..who knows why..i often refer to them as seaweed, pple who just drift in and out of your lives without much effect. this kind of pple are those you are most probably going to use--be it for fun or for your own devious purposes. Who cares....Go wild.!!!! Chances are these are the pple that are with you because of common interest that's all...

The second type is the good friend, you all have been through some storms together and their presence means something to you. These are ppl that are ready to push you up even when you fall right smack on them, sometimes crushing them in the processs...(HEHEHE...beijing 101, you know who i'm talking abt) These are ppl who are always willing to lend a shoulder when needed and are willing to stand up for you. Sometimes they dont always make it clear to you, but you know that they will be supportive of you regardless the outcome...(or least i hope)

The third type i'll talk abt is your best friends..these are those that are really willing to stick with you through everything in your life..plus you feel totally alright around them. There is nothing under the sun that you cant talk abt and nothing in the world that you two cant share.(telepathy hmm?) I guess some may say that they are your muse, inspiring you to do better and of course share a few laughs along the way. They are also the first to comfort you if something goes wrong. The best thing abt them is they are willing to put you b4 themselves...that's true friendship..the funny thing abt it is best friends usually quarrel lots more then normal friends...why? got it from somewhere so i have no idea...but i think it is because when you two know as much abt each other, you tend to see flaws and stuff that others dont see...who knows....but that being said the truth is most of the time this "quarrels" are abt silly things and nothing really impt, so hey?...Not everyone in the world is lucky enough to have someone like this in their lives..so if you have one, you BETTER treasure it...or else...hehe..

However, the thing is abt this analysis is that it is a model template of sorts...i cant say everyone is like that..but hey most are. One of the worst things to happen to a friendship is when they are pissed at each other. Sometimes, secrets can be awkward even among the best of friends and it is of paramount importance that one is sensitive to hints and all, or else it could really escalate into something. We all are like that sometimes, pissing each other off, but the impt thing is to know when you are and stop...if not, many a friendships i know have been ruined over really silly things...so be careful...very careful..or else regret will become your middle name...

I'm not sure about you, but recently i have been getting this weird feeling like i just need to get away from my friends..spend abit of me time. i myself dont even know how to describe the feeling i have inside of me...kinda funny..even now from time to time i feel that way...disclaimer: i am NOT trying to tell my friends to back off...i'm just saying that it is just one of the feelings in side of me..haiz...dont really know lah...go figure...

At the end of the day, like it or not, friends will always be part of your life and you have got to live with it....or else some ppl may mistake you for not having a social life...(who ah?..i wonder) the best thing abt true friends is that you can be totally yourself around them without fear of repercussion...if not, then you probably shouldnt be hanging out with them...

But rmb the best way to make a friend is to be a good friend first...so answer this..have you been the friend you want others to be?...or have you simply been taking without giving...i wonder....so should you...

leadership....

2006-07-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

hihi....pple out there in the world who have nothing to do....listen to me talk absolutely rubbish. Not many ppl know abt my blog so i can have the liberty of talking rubbish and stuff that i know i can get into alot of trouble for.

went for dinner with friends, had a blast. But came back really flat out, ahha...still managed to do a bit of GP and all. I have been thinking, what makes a person a leader? Are they born or breed? the thing is that things like that will nvr have a correct answer. i honestly guess it is a bit of both. I mean, to be given leadership opportunities from young is definately a plus point but hey says who you cant change overnight..as i have always said, changing a mindset only requires a split second. it is the debating and deliberating that takes tons of time. but it usually isnt that simple. i dont think there is a fixed type of leadership style as there are many different variations of the same thing.

first type is the quite understated leader. i guess the epitome of such a leader is none other then my friend ,Luke sim. he has that confidence abt him that is understated yet everpresent. he kind of inspires confidence in everyone, something that i can nvr hope to achieve.

second type is the dynamic type of leader. he is often awe inspiring and very in your face style. leaders like this i believe are tipped to become heads of societies etc. but the main draw back of such leaders are that they are often arrogant( but the line between arrogance and confidence is far too fine) always self assured, usually pple like them dont have many true friends...

last type is the motivator. always willing to encourage and push ppl on with speeches and are willing to go the extra mile to make others feel special and that they are part of the team-the winning one. the only main drawback is taht pple like these are often dismissed as too frivalous and not taken seriously by their equals...but then no one said leadership was ever going to be easy...haha...

Most ppl are a mixture of some, but we all have predominant traits that associate us with the particular leadership style.. oh yah i forgot those who have absolute no chance at becoming leaders. my msg to them is ....FORGET IT!!!!! you were born to be a follower so stick with it. i know like very bad like that..haha...but who cares i have to be frank..i mean you can train as much as you like, but the truth is that you most probably achieve more as a follower. the types of ppl are too many to name them all. they are not unique to a particular character or anything it is just that they exist...dont know how lah...

i feel that gd leadership is abt knowing how to use your resources to the best. That is why most leaders have little true friends..or for that matter any friends at all...but that is the price for greatness sometimes...manupilation of these resources is sometimes not beyond one's ability...but hey, the job has to be done...whatever the price

haha..leadership although can be cultivated and trained is usually best natural. and it is abt being yourself and confident abt your abilities..even if others arent...screw them..

oh well.....ranting's over....which type of leader are you?...1,2,3 or ABSOLUTE ZERO....wonder and ponder...who knows....hehe...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

depressively arrogant

2006-07-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

depressively arrogant

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA>>>>ENGLAND is OUt!!!! serves them right, told you so, all those out there who still doubt my predicting ability...in your faces!!!!

really bored now at home, nothing to do, no one to talk to, nowhere to go, dont feel like doing homework. What to Do!????!!!!! sian diao....but this is the price for being too free..that's why i am bloggin now...hehe....

choir is going to xiamen in 3 wks cant wait for it. it is really cool!!! i have been to many places in the world with my family, but i guess going with friends is a different thing. fun in different ways, with friends you kinda get go wild while with family you kinda get to spend quality time with them. ..i know this doesnt even make sense but hey, i am nuts rmb..Anyhow, cant wait to sample all the great food and of course buy lots of stuff back to singapore. hope the hotel's nice though, later it is some ooloo place that has bed bugs and all and then when they crawl into my mouth that would be....EWWWWWWW..haha. Just in case you think i am some high mantainence jerk, i must clarify, i am more then ready and able to rough it out. It is just that in china, you can nvr be too sure of this kind of thing, for all you know some ninny that slept the bed you are sleepin in did some "ahem"...who knows....i wont want to find out.

the term officially starts on tues so like i am totally dreading it, i mean with all the homework, and all plus choir aiyah..so sian...haha. Speaking of choir, apparently mr kwei blew his top at the SOPS, lucky i wasnt there..hehe...not my fault really was taking photo in school. but when we finally combined after i came it sounder better, still a little under but better. i guess its time for us to go intensive on the vocal techinque thingy. i guess now what the prob with choir now is that we are just concerned abt pleasing kwei. Like play it safe so that we wont get scolded. cant say i agree with it, but then again i have to be politically correct and say that that is not a bad thing. the thing is why should mr kwei be our sole barometer for how good we are. i believe that every instructor would rather go for quality then quantity, so its better to do 5 bars supremely well, then 10 bars competently...get my drift?

HAha...talking abt musical orientation, i have been doing lots of research on opera recently. May sound old fashion but hey i must do research to improve what. Music illiteracy is one of the ills of our society today, so the more i'm exposed to the better....

finally the last word, suddenly thought of this, carpe diem-seize the day. Hey what have we got to lose anyway....

My first post....

2006-07-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

haha...finally got a blog...how cool is that. i guess i just been living in the social backwaters for too long that all this is suddenly so exciting for me. haha..as my first post i guess i will be crazy. I'll kinda rant and all but hey, i'm new so forgive me..(like i care what you think...haha)

This few days have been quite enlightening. Been like taking really long walks and thinking abt stuff. For a large part of the year my life has revolved round choir and i guess it has really affected my life adversely. I havent got much time to spend with my classmates and my work has suffered significantly. but i guess you win some and you lose some. i have been thinking abt this idea i have always had in my mind since i became the SC. it is to make music for the love of it and our goal as a choir should be geared towards making the best music possible and not to getting the best results. this is something that has been hotly disputed by many ppl. Some think it is not practical..too idealistic. but the thing is, who are you to say things are too idealistic. If i told you 100 yrs ago that there will be a communication web connecting the world you would have laughed at me and called me too naive. BUt hey, look where we are now. Haha...

Enough of choir lah, anyway been doing some thinking on the type of friends i make. Funny though, i realised that all my best friends have all become like second bananas, flunkies and all. funny how things work. Been feeling quite bad abt it anyway. But i guess someone has to take the lead..still...i will work towards changing myself.

GOd...the unknown entity we call heavenly father. i have to say god has done miracles in my life this year. i think the song you raise me up most aptly describes the help he has given me.
" When i am down and oh my soul so weary,
when trouble comes and my heart burdened be
when i am still and wait here in the silence,
until you come and sit awhile with me."
really thankful to him and all. i guess many christians in this world dont really thank god enough for the good times but when obstacles appear, they start blaming god and all saying how he has not helped them. i think that god has his own ways and sometimes we should give him abit more credit and of course follow in his ways. One such way i think is to go to church, praise him and have fellowship with him..not always easy but hey, its worth it.

Finally, how can i miss out the greatest spectacle on planet earth? the world cup. i supported holland but haiz...they are out. Oh well, they are a young team and much to learn they have, in time they will be a force to reckon with and who knows..maybe world champs one day. tonight is Eng Vs Port, should be a good match but i'm rooting for portugal, England reeks...big time..they cant pass the ball well, they cant score goals,they cant create chances...oh well just proves my point that they are a horrible team. Brazil havent been firing on all cylinders but i still fancy them to squeeze past france..hehe...

The really final word, as i have said before, confidence is the key to the future and like it or not we all have to move on with our lives....hehe....but at least god will be there always....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..